Denver's Tumbling Leaf

Graduation Day

2012-01-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

During our stint as students at Life's Wondrous University (LFU), we're bound to fall into a semester or two of downright really tough times.

The LFU Unwritten Student Handbook clearly states that, "Each pupil has the right to deal with difficult situations on their own terms, in various ways." (Well, in America, "Land of the Free," anyway!)

Some choose to write in a journal or organize a pow-wow with friends. Others take a walk, drink, eat or sleep. Countless strategies have been developed and utilized by LFU alumni in order to get back on track.

Life's alluring draw is that it boasts an infinite number of opportunities for graduation days. Landed a promotion at work? Diploma! Had your first child? Diploma! Made a life-changing mistake, but made sacrifices and worked hard make things better? Diploma!

The better part of this past year has been pretty rough for me. Let's just say that I've put myself on academic probation... Details of my difficult semesters do not matter at this juncture. What matters is that I've been routinely working with an LFU school counselor. And the hard work has paid off.

I'm proud to admit that today I celebrate yet another graduation day.
-DTL

Pencil Me In

2011-12-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

"Is it rude to sign a greeting card in pencil?" my friend Jill wondered out loud at her going-away party at my house last September.

I'm sure there are many different answers to that question. (Emily Post may agree or disagree, however...)

In my humble opinion, the simple fact that someone took the time to write heartfelt words, package them up in a lovely card and present them to a loved one is the complete opposite of "rude."

The deep thinker in me chooses to take it a step further, and view the "pencil" symbolically. As a metaphor for dealing with life's events. An elaboration:

-The fact that my best friend Jill lived in Denver for six years and recently moved to Des Moines reminds me that many things in life are not permanent. We penciled Jill in as a "Denverite," and that doesn't quite apply now.

-The idea of "erasing" said pencil marks can look different to a variety of people. To some, the erased marks can fade so much that over time, they can be completely forgotten. One can choose to view the eraser as a tool for starting fresh.

-To me, pencil marks are permanent, whether you see them or not. The words written in Jill's card to me may fade over time, but the message will stay with me always.

Crayon, Sharpie marker, blood, whathaveyou -- the gesture is what matters most.

On a lighter (or darker...you choose) note, since it's December 31st today, it's only fitting that I reflect on some of the things I've "penciled in" over the past year. I'd make a detailed list below, but I think you get the jist. (I'll sit down with my pencil on my own time and crank it out...) Deep down I'd love to permanently erase some of my pencil marks from this past year, but I realize that they will permanently remain in my heart and contribute to my life's complete sketch. Faded, worn or smudged to oblivion, they're my own personal marks, and I'm happy to have them.

Here's to creating sharp, strong and lasting (or lightly-pressed and smudged) pencil marks in 2012!

-DTL

Introducing...Pretty with Pelvic Pain!

2011-10-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

I realize my last few posts have consistently been about my interstitial cystitis. IC has taken over my life a bit lately, which hasn't left much time to blog about much else. I do have more exciting life stuff to share, such as the kitchen remodel my husband and I are in the midst of, our new car, my brand new job, etc. Lots to write about...I promise to elaborate soon!

In the meantime, I want to introduce a fellow blogger. Meet Pretty with Pelvic Pain, also an IC-er, who seems to struggle with pain and pain management way more than I do. If you are so inclined, check out her blog.

My inclination is that the random support will mean more to her than any of us realize.

More to come!

Thanks for reading,

-DTL

One more day...

2011-09-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

September will be over in one more day, which means Interstitial Cystitis Awareness Month will be over as well.

Unfortunately, the pain and discomfort that IC-ers (like me) face every day will continue indefinitely. By helping to raise awareness, however, hopefully we can help others with bladder / pelvic pain to minimize symptoms and discover coping strategies to make life more normal and enjoyable.

I thought I'd share a wonderful video that I recently stumbled upon that features a plethora of really useful resources for people living with IC. I've done my fair share of research in the past, but Jill Osbourne, President of ICN (Interstital Cystitis Network) and fellow IC-er, introduced me to a few new books that I'm very excited about checking out. Click here for the video (don't forget to grab a pen and some paper to jot down the book titles that interest you!)

Finally, the ICN web site has a wealth of information and support. If you know of anyone who is struggling with bladder / pelvic issues, feel free to encourage them to bookmark it.

Thanks so much, once again, for helping me to spread the word about interstitial cystitis, and for your interest in sharing resources that can be helpful for so many people.

Cheers to a pain-free October!

-DTL

Oh say can I see (I.C.), by the dawn's early light

2011-08-14T21:21:00.001-07:00

During an I.C. flare, by the dawn's early light, I can usually be found in the fetal position, silently whimpering in pain. Each morning of this past weekend, unfortunately, was no exception. Thanks to Interstitial Cystitis (I.C.) ,a bladder disease I was diagnosed with a couple of years ago, I dread the process of waking up most mornings.

***

My husband and I returned this evening from a 4-day trip to New York City -- my first time ever visiting The Big Apple. I was so excited to explore, see the sights, sample the delicious food, and revel in all things classically "New York."

We squeezed a LOT into our mini vacay. We walked and walked and walked and walked... stopping periodically for a delicious pizza slice, a scrumptiously sweet canoli (yum!), a steamy bowl of matzo ball soup, glass(es) of wine, and of course, Dunkin Donuts coffee! (How on earth does Denver NOT have a Dunkie?)

***

Well most mornings, typically everywhere from my lower abdomen and lower back to my upper legs will feel like they are being stabbed with knives and razors. Sounds awesome, right? Ugh...

What's more, during a full-blown "I.C. flare," I dread doing most fun things, such as: drinking coffee or consuming anything else that contains caffeine (chocolate! soda!); eating citrus and nearly almost every other fruit; nibbling on many types of vegetables, especially tomatoes (pasta with RED sauce!); enjoying a glass of wine with dinner or having a beer or two on a weekend; having a tub of yogurt for breakfast or cooking with any sort of spice that is actually tasty; or munching on any type of cheese that is aged, such as parmesan, asiago, cheddar, etc. (Did I mention that I'm ITALIAN and that I love to cook and eat?) Oh, and how can I forget! I'm 32-years old and I'm married, so I'm no longer afraid to admit this: making love to my husband. There, I said it. It HURTS. I.C. makes it HURT. It's excruciating. And my husband is a saint. Moving on...

I opted not to blog about my I.C. in the past because I was embarrassed to admit that I have a bladder disease, in addition to ADHD, General Anxiety Disorder, and Clinical Depression. I figured, "Who on earth is going to want to read about any more of my issues?" The stigma attached to the ones I have mentioned in the past has been enough for me to handle.

However, the more I read about I.C., (and the more painful flares I go through), I realize that my "shortcomings," per se, are basically all connected and related. Especially anxiety and I.C. For example... New York was GREAT! Exciting, stimulating, emotional (ahem...ground zero! Ellis Island!), etc. Anxiety-producing? You bet. Hot, crowded, stinky, loud, difficult to manage, too. For someone who finds it tough to focus to begin with, it ended up being one exhausting trip. A trip that offered plenty of delicious meals that, coupled with the anxiety-provoking nuances of our daily excursions, really did a number on my poor bladder.

***

So. Now I'm finally back home in my cozy office with my lazy dog and spunky new kitten, feeling reflective and a bit confused. Should I feel bad about all of the delicious "bladder disease trigger foods" I enjoyed in New York? Should I be angry with myself because deep down I knew that trying to pack in so many exciting activities during our New York days and nights would make me anxious, exhausted, and in need of an alcoholic beverage? Should my tail be between my legs because I enjoyed our trip to the fullest, while deep down I knew I'd be spending the next month in sometimes debilitating pain because of my choices?

I never thought that "spreading awareness" about I.C. would do much good until now, but pondering these questions has motivated me to write this post. The truth is that I was on medication (Elmiron, taken 3 times a day) for an entire year for my I.C. It didn't work. There are a few other alternatives, but they are not exactly the best options for me at this point. I realize I don't have cancer or any other life-threatening condition. I am able to go to work each day and for the most part, do what I need to do. Some I.C. patients don't have that luxury though. Some can't work because they need to urinate 60 or more times a day. And that just sounds like pure hell.

Finally, it is very well-known that the medical community does not know enough (they don't know much at ALL) about I.C. I've realized that if I can help spread awareness about this disease, then maybe it can make its way to someone in the medical community who can advocate for more research so I.C.-ers like me can have more options available to them in regard to treatment, advocacy and support.

Would you be so kind as to help me to spread the word? Forward this blog post to friends and loved ones, and/or visit http://www.icawareness.org? Your support is so greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,
-DTL
(ADHD-er, IC-er)

Art-iversary

2011-07-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Concert t-shirts and ticket stubs. Kitchen towels embroidered by family members. Trinkets and souvenirs collected from vacations and trips taken together as a married couple.

My scanner came in handy for the gift I made for Mark for our third wedding anniversary. Although the pictures below are blurry and it's tough to decipher the detail in the piece, I hope you get a general idea of what it represents.

It's very special to me, and one-of-a-kind for my amazing husband.

Happy Third Anniversary, honey!

Your wife,
DTL

Beer...STAT!

2011-07-16T10:05:00.001-07:00

If you would have asked me five years ago if I'd done any "fourteeners," I'd say, "Fourteen what? Shots at the bar?"

My Colorado friends might roll their eyes at this post, because most of them have at least one fourteener under their belt, and others have a goal of completing as many of the 53 fourteeners in Colorado as they can. (Those not familiar with Colorado, hiking or mountain elevation can learn exactly what I'm talking about here.)

Me? I'm just happy to say that I completed ONE. I hiked Grays Peak last July with my husband. I didn't make it to Torreys Peak which was less than a mile from the summit of Grays, however. Instead, I opted to take a 30-minute nap on a boulder, 14,000 feet above sea level, the spectacular view of the Rockies spread out before me, as Mark ventured up to Torreys and back. Eh, you win some, you lose some.

Well, I hiked my second fourteener with Mark yesterday (his 4th!) -- Mt. Bierstadt. Here's a handy map, courtesy of 14ers.com:

Needless to say, I'm a little sore today. Not "I just ran a marathon" sore, but definitely close. It's a good kind of hurt though...knowing that I accomplished something that was, frankly, really really tough! On the way down as I gasped for the little oxygen that the altitude offers, and tried not to slip and fall into the river we had to cross over on a log (dirty-dancing style!), I resorted to repeating a simple mantra to myself. "Sleep, beer, Beau Jo's pizza. Sleep, beer, Beau Jo's pizza. Sleep, beer, Beau Jo's pizza..."

Mark and I stopped at Beau Jo's in Idaho Springs for an amazing meal on the way home to Denver. I took a much needed rest when we got home. Annnnd...we knocked back a few beers last night with friends in celebration. Mission accomplished.

Here we are at the summit (14,060 ft.):

(Check out the rest of the pics from our 6-hour climb and descent on Mark's Picasa site here )

Sure, by Colorado standards, it's really not that big of an accomplishment. People out here run a marathon UP Pikes peak. They ride their bikes from Denver to Boulder and back. Some choose to rock climb in the summer and ice climb in the winter every weekend. Etc., etc. Well "Chrissy standards" are considerably lower. I'm pretty damn proud of making it to the top of two fourteeners.

And yes...it was the best beer I've tasted in quite some time!

-DTL

Some Staple It Together...

2011-07-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

...and call it bad weather.

I call it... ART!

Meet my new passion, MMA. No, not mixed martial arts. Mixed Media Art. I've been toying around with canvas, paint, glue, paper, oil pastels, ephemera, etc. I thought I'd share my very first pieces, even though they're very amateur and I have no idea what I'm doing (hint hint...go easy on me!).

Here goes:

"Inspire"

"Wren"

"Orange Crush"

Orange Crush is a bit blurry, but yep, those are red pepper flakes and rosemary leaves. Mixed Media at its finest!

Hope you enjoyed my three new babies,

-DTL

Picture This...

2011-07-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm no longer on Facebook.

I am, however, still addicted to photography!

Would love for you to check out my Picasa site here.

Annnnnd....

If you like what you see, become one of my "followers" on Picasa so you'll know when I add new photos.

Here's a sneak preview of some of my photos that you'll find there:

One of my favorite girls!

and my favorite boys!

Strollin' in Denver, CO

Puppies in Lakewood, CO

Denver's City Park

Mumford and Sons concert, The Fillmore, Denver, CO

Mumford and Sons Concert, The Fillmore, Denver, CO

Lake Powell

My husband Mark, camping in Mesa Verde National Park

Four Corners

Hiking Arches, Moab, UT

Our dinner table at a restaurant in Moab, UT

Tour de Fat, City Park, Denver, CO

Pearl Street Mall, Boulder, CO

Thanks for your support!

-DTL

Runnin' on Empty, But Runnin' Nonetheless

2011-06-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sure, I'm not in high school cross country shape. Or college track shape. Or even post-college marathon shape. I'm 32, I've slowed down quite a bit, and unfortunately have more gray hair than I know what to do with (thank GOD for my hair colorist...)

There was a point when I thought my running days were behind me. For a few years I simply just did not enjoy it. Perhaps I was sad because I knew I'd never be as fast or as in shape as I once was. Or the fact that I ran sans i-pod because I didn't have one and I became bored to tears. And then a few injuries came into play. Etc., etc., etc.

Despite said excuses, I'm back. Not sure for how long, but at least until this October. My husband and I are signed up to run the Denver half marathon on October 9th this year, and although I'm a bit nervous about staying healthy enough until then, I'm definitely pumped for the training. Mark has been my training partner over the past few months (along with Tucker), and so far, things have been great.

For as long as I can remember, running has been a constant in my life. Well, not exactly "constant," per se, but I know I can always turn to running after a long hiatus, jump right back in, and pick up where I left off.
(Boy, am I going to be sad down the road when I can't say that anymore!) This time around, I'll be doing it in Denver, with my husband by my side, for 13.1 miles.

Wish us luck!
-DTL

Dearest Thingportants and Friday Fumblings

2011-03-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Thingportants and Friday Fumblings,

I had high hopes for you a while back. As usual, I created you with the highest of expectations. Ah well. Twisty, turny, tumbly, fumbly...

Although it's been quite a while since the dawn of Friday Fumblings, I'm in the mood to move forward. So here's some of my new thingportants, in the "dearest" way possible.

Sincerely,
DTL

Dear Star Jones,

Get over yourself.

Dear Adobo Seasoning,
You give my cooking a little something extra every time.

Dear i-pod,

Where are you?

Dear Hair,
I think you're a little too light. Time for some lower lights.

Dear Tucker,

It's just wind, buddy. No need to tear up our NEW bedding.

Dear Mark,
Thanks for discovering adobo seasoning!

Dear Brayden,
Happy 1st Birthday, buddy!

Dear All My Children,

You make noon so, so, so worth it!

Dear Chamomile Tea,

Thanks for your natural calming properties.

Dear Skin,
Please, please, please stop breaking out.

Dear Real Simple Magazine,

You DO make life real simple!

Dear Camera,
Where are you?

Dear Backyard,

Don't worry! We'll spruce you up with flowers and plants very soon.

Dear Heart,
Please stop racing.

Dear Body,
Heads up. Many runs and hikes, including 14-ers, headed your way!

Dear Jess and Jill,

You are my sisters from other mothers. (Sounds better with "brother...")

Dear ADHD,
Never mind. I can't remember.

Dear Sense of Humor,
THANK YOU!

Dear Android Evo,
You're welcome for the new, bigger battery.

Dear Mark,
Thank you... You know why.

Dear Holland,

Lucas and I miss you today! Hope you're having a blast in the mountains with your family.

Dear Lucas,

I hope your 7-month-old shots aren't too traumatizing...

Dear Denver,

Thank you for the sunshine!

Dear Chicago,

My heart aches for you...

Dear Timing and Circumstances,
You are certainly peas in a most realistic pod.

Dear Family,

I wish you were closer.

Dear F,
TGI!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
-DTL

Video Confessions of an Anxiety-Prone, Scattered "Hot Mess"

2011-03-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough couple of days for me.

Nothing specific happened to cause said "roughness." It was just ME. I happened to myself. I explain these rough patches to my family and friends as "bad brain days." We're all prone to them. I get that. But if you really know me, you're aware of the inner workings of my "bad brain days," and how often they tend to occur. (If you don't really know me, you can get caught up here.)

Well. I've felt like the little boy in this clip, Luke, lately:

And yes...as I child, I did this very same thing because I didn't have my glasses on. I also walked directly into a plate glass wall. What evs...

As a result of my "bad brain days" as a child, my immediate family lovingly (Uh...I think...) used to call me "Mallory." As in Mallory from Family Ties. This clip explains it all: (excuse the foreign subtitles)

Man...looking back as an adult, I'm a little offended! Good thing Mallory was pretty :-)

Well, over these past few days, my house has looked like a tornado hit it. Or a bomb went off. Or -- you get the point. My car, my purse(s), my work bag(s), etc. -- all a disaster. My appearance, too. My outfits, hair, makeup (or lack of) can pretty much be summed up in one word:

HAPHAZARD.

The more messy each fragment of my life has gotten, the more anxious I have become. Which, as my cycle of ADHD, anxiety and depression has conveyed in the past -- it's' a recipe for disaster. My heart has been racing since Monday. My sleep patterns have been less than desirable. My dog, who tends to be destructive as a result of my anxiety, has torn apart our new sheets and mattress, and chewed my favorite sneakers to an unwearable state. I was super late for my best friend's birthday party, and as a result of racing to get there, I arrived with smashed cupcakes. The list goes on.

During these "rough patches," however, I try to keep a positive attitude and an open mind. It's tough sometimes, but we all go through stressful periods, and I know that part of being a responsible human being means working hard to get myself back on track. I know I'll be able to turn things around -- heck, I'm Denver's Tumbling Leaf. I created this blog for that very reason.

However, when I stumble upon videos like this one, I can't help but get a little ticked off. I don't care if he's a "Christian" comic. He needs to do a little research on what life will be like for his three "ADHD kids" (AHEM...kids WITH ADHD) when they grow up. Listen dude -- my kindergarten teacher called my parents too. I'm still impulsive and hyperactive. During my "bad brain days," I have to battle the guilt that comes with being late all the time...a destructive dog...smashed cupcakes...etc. It's NOT fun, and to me, it's not funny.

Well. I'll get off my high horse now. I know I shouldn't let this get the best of me. I have a wonderful life, and could have it much, much worse. I just needed to vent today. So I did it here.

Now that I've blown off some steam, I'll remind myself (and you too!) to just...BREATHE. It's typically what gets me through these tough spots, and ultimately helps me turn my little leaf. I need to. I "needtobreathe."

Enjoy this song...I absolutely adore it.

-DTL

Byrne Urban Scholars is recruiting new mentors!

2011-02-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

Interested in learning more about becoming a mentor for Byrne Urban Scholars? See below for information on an upcoming Open House at Breckenridge Brewery in Downtown Denver. Hope to see you there!

What a Difference Six Months Can Make

Getting to Know My New Mentee

It's been a little under a year since I wrote this post about becoming a mentor for an amazing Denver organization called Byrne Urban Scholars. I had just completed the interview process and was anxiously waiting for the mentor / mentee matches to be made. Around this time last year, my future "mentee," a.k.a., the young woman who I would mentor throughout the her high school years, remained a mystery.

I had little-to-no idea what was in store for me and my future mentee. I was nervous, excited, and eager to take on the "mentor" role in any appropriate capacity. Would she need help with her homework? How could I set a good example for her? How do I cultivate a trusting relationship with her? I had so many questions... First and foremost, however, I was just eager to learn her name! To shake her hand. And of course, if the situation called for it, to give her a big, annoying "Chrissy-style" hug.

I met Juanita in August of 2010. I clearly remember driving anxiously to her house to meet with her, her family and our case manager. I was especially apprehensive because I was told that her parents' first language was Spanish, and I only knew enough Spanish to say "hello," "thank you," and to ask, "Where's the bathroom?" In the back of my head though, I knew it was perfectly normal to have butterflies. I promised myself I'd keep a level head and try to just be "present" for the initial meeting. So when I pulled up to her house, I took a deep breath, slowly got out of the car, and gladly left the butterflies in the back seat.

I quickly realized that I had nothing at all to be nervous about. Her family welcomed me with open arms, and our case manager did an excellent job translating for us so we all felt at ease. I felt a comforting sense of closeness between the beautiful fifteen-year-old sitting across from me, and her parents and siblings. Although it was a quick meeting and Juanita was fairly shy, I could tell that the next three years, though challenging, would be filled with fun, excitement and meaning.

Since August, I've learned that although Juanita can be quiet sometimes, she isn't really all that shy. She's not afraid to take risks, and she is very successful in school. She just started her first after-school job, and she has amazing friends and family. At first, I struggled with knowing exactly how to be a good mentor to her, because, well, she's just a downright wonderful young woman. She is kind, respectful, and has a strong work ethic. Her grades are great, and she is very motivated to go on to college.

Eventually, I figured out that I could help her by simply letting her know I'll be here for her if she ever needs me. Whether it's now, next year, throughout college or beyond -- I'll be available. I can support, advocate or inspire. Most importantly though, I can just "be."

Open House

Please join us at our Annual Open House!

Thursday, March 24th

5:30pm ~ 8:00pm

Breckenridge Brewery

2220 Blake Street ~ Denver 80205

This fun evening event is a great way to mix and mingle with other Byrne Urban Scholars supporters as well as learn more about our programs. Don't miss our brief presentation by a couple of our outstanding graduates who will share how being an Urban Scholar impacted their lives.

RSVP to Susan Duncombe at susand@byrneurbanscholars.org.

Bring a friend! Join us for a drink and some appetizers.

We look forward to seeing you there!

"I don't need incentive."

2011-01-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely beaming with pride.

As I mentioned in a few previous posts, I'm a mentor for a sophomore high school girl. Tonight we celebrated her hard work in school and impressive first semester GPA with a pizza dinner.

As we were sitting at the table with our case manager and a few other mentors and mentees, we casually chatted about how the job interview went that she today had after school. She described being a bit nervous, but it helped that she was interviewed by a peer. She also mentioned that the organization offers a higher wage for students with good grades.

My initial response was, "Wow! What great incentive to work hard in school and get good grades."
Her blunt and realistic reciprocation: "I don't need incentive."

I can't really describe how "wise-beyond-her-years" that sounded to me. This fifteen-year-old is confident and driven, and knows what she wants for her future. To her, getting good grades and working hard is simply not an option. It's just what needs to be done.

To say that I'm impressed would truly be an understatement.

-DTL

To Juanita:
(Keep it up, girl...and the higher wage will be yours, throughout your remaining years of high school and beyond!)

bbbcraft - gifts, inspiration and more

2010-12-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

Perhaps one day I'll start a crafting blog. Or maybe I'll write a book. A cookbook, perhaps...or a book of my photographs (once I actually learn something about photography!). Or... or...

ahh...so many ideas, very little attention span...

Until I sort out my future creative endeavors, I intend to live vicariously through blogs such as bbbcraft. Friend Anna Blessing and her sisters Amy and Sarah are the crafty creators of this breezy blog.

If you're in the mood for some one-of-a-kind gift ideas, or are simply searching for creative inspiration, scroll through the short-and-oh-so-sweet posts featuring their whimsical and stylish craft projects, including these adorable pinecone firestarters:

Photo credit: http://bbbcraft.blogspot.com/2010/03/new-bbbcraft-diy-on-designsponge-today.html

(Check out Design*Sponge for a diy how-to!)

Even though those pretty pinecones easily "sparked" my creative itch, I vow to stick to DTL's intended blog platform. For now, anyway...

-DTL

A Sentimental (Anxiety-Producing ) Journey

2010-11-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

"Gonna set my heart at ease..."

My mom is a very talented piano player. As a little girl, I would lay on the creaky hardwood floors in our dining room in our brownstone two-flat in Chicago, usually with a sleepy dog or two by my side, and sing with her as she played.

Sentimental Journey, sung by Doris Day in the 1940's, was one of my favorite tunes that mom would play. Here's a quick glimpse if you're not familiar:

Well, the holidays are upon us, and it's no surprise to me that I've been feeling quite nostalgic and reminiscent lately. Instead of delving into a whirlwind of deep reflections on holidays past (you're welcome), I simply wanted to just "be here." Yup. Post something, even if it's not the next part of my "If you really knew me" series, or a NaBloPoMo fulfillment requirement.

So, I'm here. I'm here now.

Ta aki awor

Over the past few weeks, I've been finding it so very difficult to simply live in the moment. So here I am, publicly reminding myself to simply "stop" and ta aki awor. "Ta aki awor," my not-so-subtle inner-wrist tattoo, means "be here now" in Papiamento (the language spoken in Aruba). A few years ago when my husband and I were on our honeymoon there, I felt the need to remind myself, for the rest of my life, to embrace each moment and simply be "here." Be present. Be focused. Be here now.

Lately, I haven't really paid much attention to the meaning of that tattoo. I've realized that as much as I long for the excitement that "newness" brings, I often find it so difficult to stop and take the time to process change and focus on what it means for my life and the lives of others. That inability to simply stop and think makes me anxious, which in turn, sparks the need in me to create more change in my life in an attempt to escape said anxiety for the short term. Such a journey, I create for myself...

Tumble leaf, now

Denver's Tumbling Leaf was created a few years ago because I knew I'd always be the type of person who was not ashamed to "turn a new leaf" and start over. Twist, turn, tumble and fumble, actually. Well, thanks to the not-so-mysterious magic of Facebook, I've been trying to tumble in a direction away from my "live in the moment" anxiety, so I can truly enjoy my sentimental journey. I have recently reconnected with some great friends from the past who I have been thinking about for quite some time. I've dug through boxes of old photos, righted some wrongs, and relived some pretty kick-ass memories.

Some pretty kick-ass memories. To really "set my heart at ease."

-DTL

If you have to cry...

2010-11-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

go outside.

At least that's the advice that noted fashion publicist, Kelly Cutrone, gives in her book titled, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You. Well, I've read her book. I get her point. But I realized that her advice doesn't necessarily translate to some aspects of childcare.

For example...

I was smack dab in the middle of an informal job interview this evening. The interviewer said the standard, "Tell me a little bit about yourself..." Surprisingly, before I could even mutter a word, tears began streaming down my cheeks.

As I sat there on the comfy living room couch, crying like a school girl, I cradled the interviewer's sleeping three-month-old boy in my arms. At that moment, I thought to myself, "This has GOT to be one of the only professions in which crying in the middle of an interview is actually a GOOD thing."

***

This morning I learned that one of the families in my nanny share will be making alternative arrangements for childcare in the near future (for personal reasons beyond their control). Sure, I've only been working with their toddler for a few months now, but as silly as it sounds, I have already formed a special bond with her. I am heartbroken that I won't have much more time to watch her learn, discover and grow. And aside from being heartbroken, I agreed to meeting a prospective replacement family just hours after learning the news of the change. (Way to give yourself time to process and make sense of things, Chrissy...ugh.)

So tonight...when this lovely mom of the baby in my arms asked me about myself, I really wanted to rattle off my professional experience, proudly speak of my hobbies, and more or less, with all my might, impress her.

All I could think of at that moment though, was the little girl I was leaving behind. Her parents, who, over the past few months, have taken such good care of me. And that special bond with the quirky, chubby, gorgeous little toddler whose future will soon be in the hands of a stranger.

***

Was I embarrassed about my sudden tearful outburst? Yup. Did I want to immediately hide under a rock? Absolutely. But deep down, though I wish I wouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me, I knew it would end up being okay.

The new family loved that I was sad over the change because it showed that I was emotionally invested in the job and truly cared about the children, and happily agreed to take take over for the current family and be a part of the nanny share.

Sorry, Kelly Cutrone. This time, when I cried, I stayed inside.

-DTL

My Favorite Nephew

2010-11-08T14:25:00.000-07:00

I have two nieces, on Mark's side.

But no nephews.

If I did have a nephew, however, he would be this kid, right here:

He's my best friend's son, who I absolutely adore. (Technically, I adore both of them...) He is my favorite seven-year old, and if you ever had the chance to meet him, I'm sure he'd be yours too.

Case in point: When he was told that I would be babysitting for him this past weekend, he got so excited about hanging out with me, that he added this to his calendar so he wouldn't forget:

Talk about a confidence booster! Thanks, buddy...

If there's anyone else out there who would like to pencil me in, please don't hesitate.

Hee hee...

-DTL

NaBloPoM-OH WELL!

2010-11-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't even make it through the weekend for NaBloPoMo. I certainly didn't realize how difficult it would be to post on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It was a lofty goal, but at least I tried!

I'm not going to scrap the idea all together. I'm behind by 3 posts, so I will make them up. I realize it is against the official NaBloPoMo rules, but the point is to be motivated to write, and I still am. I think I'll try 30 blogs in 30 days instead.

(My bestie Jill did it successfully just last month, so I will channel her energy and commitment and try my hardest!)

Time for this leaf to tumble yet again (read my profile description and you'll totally get it) and start fresh. Ready...

GO!

-DTL

Falling Slowly

2010-11-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like this at the moment:

(Yep, that's me. 1984-ish)

I'm just exhausted, and it's time for bed. Hoping for a more substantial post tomorrow.

Until then, enjoy these lovely lyrics to Falling Slowly (one of my favorite songs), by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova:

(photo credit: http://www.last.fm/music/Glen%2BHansard%2B%2526%2BMark%25C3%25A9ta%2BIrglov%25C3%25A1/+images/3258245)

Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that

Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

"If You Really Knew Me" Part 3: Denver Arts Week

2010-11-03T22:21:00.001-07:00

If you really knew me, you'd know that...

...for as much as I try to publicly make sense of the "tough stuff" in my life, I also thrive on celebrating and sharing my adventures and experiences with the creative process.

...although my creativity often stems from feelings of inadequacy, I would never think of trading the artistic side of me (if I were ever given the chance) for even a glimpse of a slightly easier journey.

...just because maintaining a sense of balance is a daily struggle for me, it doesn't mean that I don't value the concept.

That said, the first few parts of this series were rather serious in nature. Therapeutic? Yes. Balanced? Not quite. I believe it's time to lighten the mood a bit and pass along a link to an amazing celebration of passion and creativity, taking place right here in my own backyard.

Check out this fabulous list of events going on during Denver Arts Week (next week!). If you don't live in Denver...well, sorry about your luck. If you do, and are interested in checking out an event with me, let me know. I'll see what I can do.

Enjoy!

-DTL

"If You Really Knew Me" Part 2: Note-to-Self (-Doubt)

2010-11-02T20:55:00.002-07:00

NaBloPoMo - Day 2!

(How's THAT for momentum?)

Speaking of momentum, I realize that a "series" of blog posts is quite possibly the most effective if less than two months pass between posts. I get that. What can I say? It is what it is, my friends. Meh.

Credit Limit

So. Let's just say that if I had a nickel for every time I have heard, "You really need to give yourself more credit," I would probably be able to retire at the ripe old age of 32 (yikes...2 months from now). The words "not good enough"seem to have been permanently tattooed on the back of my brain, and I believe their harsh significance, despite how often people tell me, "Chrissy, you are such a positive and creative person."

Why, thank you, random compliment-givers. I try my best to be positive. And I feel the need to be creative to compensate for not quite measuring up. Case in point: my teaching career. I spent two years of my life as a full-time graduate student at UC Denver for elementary education. I completed my student teaching. I completed ALMOST all of my required coursework for my teaching license. Almost. Almost. almost.

The word "almost" has become the yin to my self-doubt's yang. The pod for its peas. The dark night to MY bright, shiny day.

Since there are 28 more NaBloPoMo days to go, I'll save my explanation on how I've been working toward turning my "almost" moments to "always" triumphs for future November posts. Stay tuned...

Extra Credit

In an attempt at giving myself props, I'll give myself credit for my note-to-self in Part 1 of "If You Really Knew Me." In true Chrissy fashion, when I sat down to write this post, I couldn't quite remember what I wanted to focus on in Part 2. So...I referenced Part 1 and there it was, plain as day. "Note-to-self (-doubt)". Great work, Mrs. Richter. You know yourself well enough to give yourself blatant reminders in an attempt to stay on track. Numerous other parts of my life might seem completely off-track at the moment (who am I kidding...ALWAYS), but Part 2 of this series?

Credit-worthy.

-DTL

NaBloPoMo - Day 1!

2010-11-01T19:10:00.001-07:00

I promise...I really haven't forgotten about my "If You Really Knew Me" series. I have plenty of Thingportants to share this month, including the continuation of the series I began a few months ago.

Yup, I said "this month." November, 2010. I've decided to participate in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), which means I have committed to posting every day for an entire month. Read about it here if you're not familiar...

Anyway - I know it's not going to be an easy feat, but I've been itching to write lately to process some recent thoughts and experiences, so committing to doing NaBloPoMo this month gave me the perfect excuse to get on it!

NaBloPoM-OH MY... What have I gotten myself into? Wish me luck... (thanks for your support in advance!)

-DTL

(I realize this logo is from 2009...can't find a 2010, and seriously, I don't care enough to find one. Ha!)

“If You Really Knew Me” Part 1 – Separation Anxiety, Much?

2010-08-17T22:45:00.002-07:00

In my last post, the introduction to this “If You Really Knew Me” series, I encouraged readers to stay tuned for Part 1, titled, “Sweet Home…” And, in true “Chrissy fashion,” I planned to follow up the title with this:

“…Chicago.”

Yup, that’s right.

I envisioned using a cheeky reference to the song “Sweet Home Chicago” as an intro to my reflection on the process of moving far away from my hometown. From my family. From my friends. From my history. From my life.

It would have possibly progressed a little something like this:

“I was born in Chicago. Grew up in Chicago. Went to undergrad in Indiana. Started my post-grad life back in Chicago. My parents and brothers – born in Chicago. School – Chicago. Life – Chicago. One exception – my older brother – college in Indiana. Back to Chicago.

Certainly, I’m not the only 30-something in Denver to be considered as a “transplant.” I’m sure I’m not the first to admit that moving away from “home” to start a new life was really, really, really hard.

I mean…REALLY.”

Well, a few days have passed since my initial “Chicago-style” brainstorm. Since then, a more suitable idea (in my opinion, of course) for a theme for Part 1 emerged randomly after chatting to a stranger about dogs.

(Perfectionist, much?)

Stick with me. It’ll click…

Mark and I walked to the Einstein Bagels in our neighborhood last Sunday and ate breakfast outside on the patio. As Tucker lounged on the ground next to us, basking in the beautiful Denver weather, a man who was about our age and also had a dog with him asked us,

“Does your dog chew through his leash?”

Thankfully, we answered,

“Nope.”

Before we could even explain that he does chew through back doors and entire couches, he followed up with,

“Mine does. He will chew through an entire leash and break free if we tie him up. I mean…separation anxiety, much?”

We simply grinned and said something along the lines of,

“Sorry to hear that, man,”

and before we knew it, he was on his way. We were both thinking to ourselves,

“If you only knew what Tucker’s separation anxiety has done to our house, pal.”

Well, that seemingly insignificant exchange got me to thinking (I know…watch out!). The contemplative side of me saw an opportunity for reflection on my own experience with separation and anxiety, and the much-more-difficult-to-detect destruction it has unfortunately done to our home.

Separation = anxiety, and so much more

I often have conversations with my best friend about how “we all have our thing.” Because we do. We all have something in our lives that we wish we didn’t have to deal with that makes us who we are. We’re human. We’re imperfect. We learn and grow and evolve through the process of how we handle said “things.” I like to call them thingportants.

You could be a struggling single parent. Or have a chronic illness. Lost your job, perhaps. Made a life-changing decision. Maybe you recently lost a loved one. The list goes on.

From this list, many of us seem to have generated quite a collection of thingportants. Plural. Mucho. Many. More than one. To the extent that if you can only count your thingportants on one hand, there might be something seriously wrong with you.

Well. For me, it took a move to Denver for my thingportants to surface high enough to where I had no choice but to take notice. Separation from the comforts of “home” was enough to kick them into overdrive. They’ve been there, deep down, but I never really could quite put my finger on exactly what they were. I was, however, aware of "The King of My Thingportants," who had a little voice who constantly whispered to me ever since I could remember,

“You can’t,”
and
“You’re clearly not good enough!”

I’m just now figuring out (hence the purpose of this series), that this person -- voice, crown and all -- is (and always was)…

…me.

Here's me. King of My Thingportants. My own worst enemy

Note-to-self (-doubt)

If you really knew me…

…you’d know that the phrase, “and at the end of the day…” bothers the living daylights out of me. Sure, it’s popular right now, but at the end of the day, it will fall by the wayside. Just you wait.

…you’d also know that I consider another hot phrase of the moment, “(insert word here), much?”, i.e., “separation anxiety, much?” or “sarcastic, much?” makes me chuckle just as much as, say, “Thanks, Captain Obvious!”

…you’d know that Part 2 of this series will probably focus on self-doubt, because I sometimes like to use my quirky sub-headings as creative reminders.

…you’d know that it’s possible that a future post in this series might include a mention or two of ADHD, because you’d know I also need lots of reminders.

...you'd know that it's killing me right now that I didn't say "focus on ADHD" because I pretty much never pass up a chance to make up a fun pun. I absolutely adore awesome puns. Oh, and alliteration as well.

Geez, Chrissy. Quite a long post for Part 1.
“Ramble, much?”

-King of My Thingportants (and as you'll learn in Part 2, Self-Doubt), aka, DTL

"If You Really Knew Me" - Series Introduction

2010-08-12T15:26:00.001-07:00

I've got a lot of explaining to do.

Well, I don't HAVE to. I'd like to.

I've been avoiding some people lately. Loved ones have been asking perfectly legitimate questions such as, "So...what are you up to these days?" and "Have you been interviewing for a teaching position?" or "Will you be teaching at a school this fall?"

It's not that I don't know how to respond. Or what to say.
It's just... a really long story.

And so, this series was born.

I decided to write this "series" of blog posts in order to fill you in. Pull you back into the loop. Get you up to speed. More importantly, to use my keyboard as a vehicle for my search for understanding and balance. Simple enough, right?

DISCLAIMER:

I ask that you please read this series with an open mind and heart. I'm thrusting this information out into the universe because that's how I tend to cope. My heart seems to be permanently sewn to my sleeve, and I have no qualms about sharing this information. Rephrase: Sharing this information NOW. The past was a different story...

"If You Really Knew Me..."

I've recently gotten sucked into a new MtV reality show (I know...shocker...) called, "If You Really Knew Me." Each episode features a different high school that goes through the process of what's called "Challenge Day." Read about it here..it's pretty amazing. Anyway, small groups of students who don't really know each other take turns explaining the challenges they face in life by using the sentence starter, "If you really knew me..." The Challenge Day leaders do an excellent job of creating a safe environment for the students to open up, talk about their home lives, insecurities, hardships, etc.

Photo credit: Zach Cordner

(http://www.challengeday.org/challenge-day-program.php)

The moral of the story? At the end of Challenge Day, the students leave with a greater sense of community, and an awareness that they are not alone in their struggles. Classmates from different social groups and cliques might be going through some of the same day-to-day hardships as they are. Which inspires them to go out into the school community and "Be the change."

Challenge Day reminds me of a retreat I attended my senior year of high school called Kairos. (Here's a quick explanation.) This particular retreat was religion-based, and lasted 3 days instead of one. I walked away with many of the same insights as the students do after participating in Challenge Day. We even had our own equivalent to "Be the change." Ours was, "Live the fourth." Since Kairos was three days long, we were reminded to live the fourth day, and each day after, in the same respect as we did during the retreat; without judgment, with an open mind and heart, etc."

My Kairos retreat group - Resurrection High School seniors, class of 1996

"LIVE THE FOURTH!"

After watching my first episode of the MtV show, I got the idea to possibly refer to it in a future blog. After reading a TVGuide.com interview about the show, I decided to write this blog series. Here's a snippet that inspired me:

TVGuide.com: 

"What's the biggest thing you took away from this experience?"

Challenge Day Student: 

"To remember you don't know what type of home somebody comes from. It's human nature to judge somebody and it's up to you whether you hold that person accountable for the judgment that you're going to be making because more often than not they're false accusations. You don't know what kind of morning they had, you don't know what kind of night they had. You don't know how their family has raised them or how their friends treat them, you don't know anything about them except for their outer appearance. So that motivated me to get to know people better ... What it is that they're going through in their lives and just let them know that I'm there for them."

TVGuide.com: 

"What gave you the power to be able to share your story?:

Challenge Day Student:

"When other people open up, it gets a lot easier for you to open up. The people who were running Challenge Day shared a lot, which was really cool because they went through things I couldn't even imagine having to go through in my life. So that struck a little bit of motivation to show that it's OK. Before we started sharing about ourselves, they did techniques to break down the walls and get everyone to loosen up and start bonding with each other. As soon as we sat down and it came time to sharing, it just took that one person to step forward and take a bit of courage to go first and the feeling just felt natural."

My step forward

I realize that I have not gone through in the past, and am not currently going through, such devastating events as some of these high school students. Or even as some of my friends or my family members. I have a wonderful life filled with supportive, loving people. Please know that I do not want to discredit this fact one bit.

I struggle sometimes, however, like we all do, and in order to work through it, I'd like to take a small step forward now and provide a quick glimpse into what I'll be writing about in this series. Also, I'm doing this for my new mentee -- a beautiful high school sophomore who is a fantastic student. She needs me to be there for her and to support her over the next three years to keep her on track for college. I simply want to be honest about myself right now and take steps to REALLY being okay with who I am and how I operate. I want to show her that I am there for her completely. 100%. So here goes...

If you really knew me...

... you'd know that I've been struggling with a major bout of paralyzing anxiety and depression since December, 2009.

... you'd know that I haven't finished my school work from Fall, 2009. Getting there -- but not quite.

... you'd know that I'm putting off teaching for a year. I'm currently interviewing for a full-time nanny position.

... you'd know that I'm taking this year to enjoy my relationship with my wonderful husband, and to spend some much-needed quality time with him before I dive into my first year of teaching.

...you'd know that perfectionism completely overtakes me -- to the point of not wanting to get out of bed some mornings.

...you'd know that I procrastinate and avoid things because I feel like I am not good enough.

...you'd know that after a recent extensive psychological and learning disability evaluation, I was officially diagnosed with:
1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
2. Learning Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Mixed Type
3. ADHD, Combined Type.

...you'd know that I am working with a therapist on cognitive behavior therapy, and I am starting to feel much better!

...you'd know that my husband is the most supportive, genuine, loving and caring person I have ever met.

...you'd know that I am going to be okay.

This tumbling leaf of mine...

Whew. It feels good to exhale after typing all of that. Well. I created Denver's Tumbling Leaf for this exact reason. If you're not familiar with my general platform, take a look at my description on the left. Through this series (and beyond), I intend to elaborate on my journey of moving to Colorado and discovering who I am. I'll reflect on my twists and turns, tumbles and fumbles, and share a bit more about the ups and downs that have gotten me to where I am right now. Oh, and oops! I forgot a few...

If you really knew me...

...you'd know that I hope you'll join me on my journey!

...you'd know that I truly value each and every one of you, and appreciate your support

...you'd know that this series is not just all about me. It's a process of getting to know myself, so I can be inspired and motivated to get to know YOU better. I sure hope you don't mind.

Stay tuned for "If You Really Knew Me" Part 1 - Sweet Home...

With love and gratitude,

-DTL

Today, I Am a Bronzed Goddess! All Hail...

2010-07-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

I apologize if you were expecting this...

I wish. Nope...not today.

Instead, unfortunately, the doorbell rang as I was getting dressed and applying makeup this morning. Tucker darted at the door in one fell swoop, barking his enormous head off. I, of course was startled, screamed like a little girl, and shot into the air. And then...

...before I knew it, the loose powder bronzer that was nestled in my palm flew out of my hand in what seemed like the slowest of motion, bounced off the sink and ricocheted off the wall, spewing brown sparkly dust over anything and everything in its wake, including my entire arm, my hair dryer, my phone, and my shirt. Basically everywhere except for the "porcelain god," who apparently, wanted this goddess to have the bronze all to herself.

"Ohhhhhh fuuuuuuudge!!!!!!!" I exclaimed in what seemed like slow motion as well. I stood there, staring in the mirror at the mess. My entire bathroom, cream-colored tile and all, went up in a huge puff of radiant ridiculousness. Before I could even catch my breath, I realized that I still needed to see who rang the bell.

So, I grabbed a tank top out of the dryer so I could quickly change the bedazzled one, and darted toward the front door. It was the Qwest internet guy, who needed to be let into our yard. I led him to the gate, pointed to the side of our house where the internety stuff was, and headed back inside.

I glanced in the mirror once again (BAD IDEA!) and noticed that my freshly trimmed bangs were sticking straight up in the air, There's Something About Mary-style. My hair was wet, and I didn't have a chance to take a blow dryer to it (unless I wanted sparkly dusty hair too, which, needless to say, I decided against).

"Not too big of a deal," I thought. Until I noticed the super long deodorant streaks that made an unexpected appearance all over shirt #2. I had rushed to put said shirt on so quickly, that apparently I didn't pay attention to my technique. And if you're a female, you are well aware of the technique. Even if your product of choice claims it, "Goes on clear!" Do. not. stray. from the technique.

So, of course, I changed again.

I then decided that it would benefit me greatly to wait until after I ate a sandwich and took a few deep breaths before tackling the bathroom clean up endeavor. And man, I must have been REALLY thirsty after the ordeal, because I completely missed my mouth. And spilled my iced tea. All down shirt #3.

What now? I thought.

Well, for starters, I will laugh. Giggle, chuckle, whatever it takes. I'll just take it for what it's worth.

And then later, I'll blog about it, so others can share in my laughter, and also the realization that sometimes, the price of trying to look pretty is sooooooo not worth it.

Unless you look like the girl in the Estee Lauder ad. Then, I'm sure, the price is TOTALLY worth it!

-DTL

A Good Man is Hard to Find...

2010-07-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

Calling all Denver-area GUYS! (and GIRLS too, of course, to help spread the word...)

I recently became a mentor for a wonderful high school girl through an organization called

Byrne Urban Scholars. I wrote about it a while back...check it here.

Well, there are still some high school males in need of wonderful male mentors. Speaking from experience, it's not an enormous time commitment -- The organization asks mentors to make weekly phone contact with mentess and twice-monthly get-togethers, which are often facilitated by the Byrne Urban Scholars staff (of course, hang out more if you'd like!).

Below is a message from the organization. It would be very much appreciated if you could help me to spread the word about the demand for male mentors. Perhaps e-mail this post to friends? Post it on your Facebook wall? Mention it to coworkers? I'd be so grateful...

Thank you, in advance, if you are able to help this amazing organization to spread the word!

-DTL

July 20, 2010
Hello Byrne Urban Scholars community! We appreciate your help in spreading the word about our need for male mentors. We have had a good response from the email sent last week, but we still have some male students we are looking to match with a mentor. Do you know the right match for one of our students? Maybe it's your neighbor, co-worker, spouse, fellow church member, teammate, brother, father-in-law...

Here are details about a couple of our students waiting for a match. Please pass on this email and contact me at susanw@byrneurbanscholars.org or 303-355-1700 with contact information for any potential male mentor so that I can follow up with that person.

La Academia (9th Avenue and Galapago St.) - This student will be in 10th grade. He lives near 38th and High with his mom, dad and older brother. He enjoys baseball, football, basketball, playing outdoors, bowling, and museums. He hopes his mentor will be willing to help with homework and help him organize school work. He wants to be an architect or engineer.

KIPP Sunshine Peak Academy (Alameda and Tejon) - This student will be in 7th grade. He lives near Sheridan and Exposition with his mom and dad. He is the oldest of 3 boys, with another sibling on the way. He is reserved and shy around adults, and he prefers a mentor that it very warm and engaging. This student does well in school, but lacks confidence. He enjoys sports (especially basketball and baseball), games, computers, movies. He wants a mentor to help with homework and help with problems at school.
This just gives a snapshot of a couple of the students we are looking to match. If you would like to know more information, we are happy to provide more in a one-on-one conversation. We also have other students not described here who need a mentor.

Mentors commit to one year of mentoring, although the majority of our mentors stay with the same student throughout the student's time in high school. Mentors and students maintain weekly phone contact and see each other at least two times per month, based on their schedules and interests. Each mentor and mentee match is assigned a case manager for additional support. Susan will provide more details about mentoring with Byrne Urban Scholars upon contact with potential mentors.

Join us at Guys' Night Out on Wednesday, July 28th, 5:30 to 8 pm at Tavern Uptown (538 East 17th Avenue - 17th Avenue and Pearl St.) to learn more about mentoring with Byrne Urban Scholars and more about the students who still need a mentor. Click on the link below for more information and to RSVP.

Guys' Night Out Evite
We appreciate your help in getting all of our students matched. With your support, we will graduate one student at a time!

A Most Beautiful Disaster

2010-07-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

Well, Since I've been tirelessly working away on school work so I can finally be finished and apply for my teaching license, my blog has taken somewhat of a back seat for now.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share this fabulous blog with you. Disaster on Heels keeps me smiling daily with her fabulous wit! Give her a try. Guaranteed, you'll ROTFL. Or, whatever the heck that means...

Enjoy!

Here's how she describes herself...

About this Disaster

My move to Chicago was a gamble. Turns out, I bet on the wrong horse. I moved in with my boyfriend and exactly 5 months later, on July 15 2009, I moved out.

I packed an overstuffed yellow suitcase in a fit of projectile tears. I made sure to get all the essentials. I wheeled them down the street to my friend’s refuge, teetering in 5” red heels.

I opened the bag to see what I had to wear to work the following day. Inside I found:

4 pairs of high heels
3 bangle bracelets
12 pairs of earrings
5 drawer liners
2 cosmetic bags
7 t-shirts
1 bra
15 pairs of underwear
2 packs of frozen spinach
1 bag of frozen shrimp
1 chilled bottle of Grey Goose Vodka
A striking absence of pants

For the next week at work I told people I was exploring my artistic side, all whilst hyperventilating in a cubicle.

This is my story.

Declaration of The Profit...Midnight Tonight!

2010-07-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

If you've read this post, you know that my friend Jason who co-wrote a script for a television pilot called False Profit.

Well, voting for the contest ends at midnight tonight. The winner of the three finalists will be announced, and $5,000 will be awarded. It looks like False Profit is currently in second place. Let's do all we can to bump it to first!

If you have a chance to read his script, or just plain feel like doing me a favor, please log in and VOTE. If you already have done so, THANK YOU. Please don't vote again. They're only allowing one per person.

To get to the actual script, click here. Then click on False Profit on the right, and then "download it."

Jason and Michael, you're already winners in my book.
Good luck, False Profit!

-DTL

The Top Ten Eds, Eddies and Edwards of All Time

2010-07-11T23:51:00.001-07:00

I need a laugh. And I know my family does right now, too. This one's for you, Eddie ;-)

#10 - Ed Grimley

Wikipedia describes him as,"A hyperactive, neurotic nerd with a large frontal cowlick who is obsessed with banal pop culture, especially Wheel of Fortune and its host, Pat Sajak. He also loves to play the triangle, which for him consists of playing a recorded musical piece, striking the triangle once, and then wildly dancing to the recording." How awesome is Ed Grimley?

#9 - Edward Scissorhands

Surely, self-explanatory. His name is Edward, and he has scissors for hands. Genius.

#8 - Ed McMahon

He never did show up at my door with a huge check from Publisher's Clearinghouse, but he's still pretty awesome in my book.

#7 - Eddie Van Halen

Oh yes...
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
I like to jump. and then go round and round
And I know, just how it feels.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real..."

#6 - Eddie Vedder

The words to Yellow Ledbetter don't need to make sense...his hotness makes up for his mumbles!

#5 - Eddie Cibrian

Sans Leann Rimes, please. WOW! He's gorgeous.

#4 - 80's Eddie Murphy

Notice how I said "80's" Eddie Murphy. I can do without 2000's Eddie Murphy.

#3 - Edward Cullen

Well DUH!

#2 - Mr. Ed

Does he really need an explanation? Coolest. Horse. Ever.

#1 - My Cousin Ed
LOVE YOU, ED! Feel better soon...

love,
-DTL

Dear Eddie...

2010-07-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

It's me, your cousin Chrissy. I'd ask you how you're doing, but that would just be a silly question. I can picture you now saying, "DUH, Chrissy." Since you were always the first to tell the story to anyone who would listen about how I got ketchup on the back of my jacket while I was wearing it, I guess I'd just expect a smart ass (yet funny!) remark from you. It's just how you roll.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately about how you and I are kind of alike. I never really made the connection when we were kids, but I have noticed it more and more over the years. Maybe it's our similar attention spans (or lack thereof), or our less-than-traditional route to figuring ourselves out. And our entire family knows about our inability to communicate in a timely manner! Boy, they just don't understand us, Ed...

Well, I could use this chance to tell you how proud I am of you for your service in the army. Or to tell you that I'm praying for you and Karen, and hoping for a speedy recovery. Even to talk about how it stinks that sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring a family closer. But, I won't. Not yet. I tied a couple of yellow ribbons around our tree in Denver for you and Karen, and I'm letting those ribbons speak for themselves.

Instead, I want to share some family photos so we can all remember what it's like when we can all be together. It's rare nowadays, since we've gotten older, started families, and have gone our separate ways. It doesn't mean that we can't have a good laugh right now at some of these pics, because although we may have annoyed each other at times, we sure did have some fun!

I thought I'd begin with our Colorado trip. I'm not sure if this was taken before or after Caryn fell out of the raft. Ever since I pulled this photo out of a box, I've been singing, "FAR AWAY!!!!! (far away) FAR AWAY!!!! (far away) Oh, the ranch with the horsies, is far, far away. FAR AWAY!!!" Thanks, Uncle Jerry. You managed to get a song stuck in our heads for almost 20 years.

I love this one. Here you are, standing with your hands on your belt, just like grandpa. You were always good for a laugh...

And let's not forget dancing. We definitely danced a lot. Here's me and you, doing something weird. Who knows... Caryn looks like she's having a BALL!

"You mean we get to dance with GRANDMA? Get out of town!"

"No, Chris! Like this! Turn your hand over this way...dummy!"

Check you out -- more dancing with your dad and Mikey in Montana. "Ohhhhh I don't want her you can have her she's too fat for me!"

And who can forget our Super Bowl Shuffle performance? Caryn, nice job keeping Mike in line...

"We are the Bears, shufflin' crew...shufflin' on down, doing it for you! We're so bad, you know we're good, blowing your mind like you knew we would!" Ha ha...turn, Mike! Turn! Is that WWF on the television?

Of course, there's the standard cousins photo in front of the Christmas tree. You and Mike are too cute here. You too, Jennifer. Jay, did Eddie punch you just before this shot? You look ticked!

We're older here, but I probably did punch Mike. And he probably deserved it :-)

Sure, you can be a little cranky sometimes. Just put Jesus in the manger, will ya, Ed?

But you always make up for it. That's better!

See... Cranky...

Better! And there's Caryn, the Bozo Buckets coach. She should know...she played the REAL Bozo Buckets on television! Yep, I'm still jealous...

And, well, perhaps when you're feeling better you might kill me for posting this pic, but this is payback for all of the "ketchup/jacket" stories. Nice turtleneck, Ed!

Finally, in all seriousness, here's our latest picture of all of us this past Christmas. I even added Aunt Barb, Shawn and Barb, he he. We all miss you. We're all proud of you. And we all can't wait until your next, "Well...DUH!"

With all my heart,
Your cousin Chrissy

False Profit -- Ironically, A Friend's Impending Livelihood

2010-06-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm so proud to say that my friend Jason co-wrote a television pilot script. A TELEVISION pilot!

It's called False Profit. It was chosen by StoryBoard TV (the community for long-form fictional television) as one of three finalists for a live script reading in New York. And NOW... it's competing in the final round, and winning writers receive $5,000!

Well, the fate of False Profit is in our hands...

I'm typically not one to beg people to vote for "beautiful baby" or "cutest puppy" contests. This contest, however, means the world to my friend. It's his "baby," in a sense. I can tell you to just hop online and vote for his script out of the kindness of your heart. But that's not how I roll.

Instead, I'm giving you a chance to read an actual television pilot and decide for yourself! How cool is that, right? If you like it, definitely share it with friends. Oh yeah..and VOTE, and ask them to vote as well...You have until JULY 15th to cast your vote.

Here's how:

Click on http://www.storyboardtv.com/
Register with your email address(es) and password
Click on the validation link in the email from StoryboardTV
Click on "I would watch this" under False Profit.

You can click on "False Profit," and then "Download it" and you'll have the entire PDF of the script to read.

***Important***

Please only vote ONCE. The organization recently deleted ALL of the votes because people voted more than once. They actually started the final round voting completely over from scratch, which hopefully does not have an effect on the results...

Again, the deadline is July 15th. Many, many, many thanks in advance for your consideration!

(Jason...and his extremely large sandwich...thanks you, too!)

-DTL

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 6 - Tardy Birthday Tumblings, The Sarah Sturm Edition

2010-05-28T10:36:00.001-07:00

Well, I took the week off from blogging. I was feeling under the weather, dealing with a destructive dog, and working on some school work. And honestly -- sometimes I just need a break.

Back to business:

It was someone's birthday yesterday, and I thought about her all day. I didn't call her, however, because I never really have been good at timely communication. I'm working on it... (always...) Well, she's my best friend from college, and I've known her officially now for about 15 years. And yes, that makes me old, but it makes HER even older, since she's older than me ;-)

Here she is with cute-as-a-button son, Cameron

She's my best friend Sarah. She's sarcastic, brilliant, loving, strikingly gorgeous, and believe it or not, a little shy at times. She was president of our class at St. Joe. A born leader. Star track and cross coutry runner. Responsible, thrifty, savvy and most certainly, sweet.

And because she has such a wonderful sense of humor (hint, hint!), I'm sure she's not going to mind these college pics of us (they are some of my most favorite memories, and I look like a shmuck in them too, so I'm calling it even):

Christmas dance, freshman year at Saint Joe. That's Sarah in the pretty blue dress. Man, we were young!

In my dorm room in Halas Hall. Yes, we were stuffing our bras. She always loved when I embarrassed her... Right Sar?

Oh, and here's me with her oldest, Spencer. Such a sneaky little thing!

I'm guessing we were rocking out to Shania Twain here. Because we were
THAT cool.

Well, I could go on, but I think I made my point. She's my friend. And she rocks.

MISS YOU, SARAH!

HAPPY

(belated)

BIRTHDAY!

Much love,

Chrissy

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 5 - How you gonna kick it?

2010-05-21T07:48:00.001-07:00

Gonna kick it ROOT DOWN! For some fabulous Friday fun, watch this. It's getting me through my morning...

1. We're talking root down...I put my root down. And if you want to battle me...you're putting loot down...I said root down... it's time to scoot down. I'm a step up to the mic in my goose down!

These guys know what I'm talkin' bout!

(Photo credit: http://dkpresents.wordpress.com)

2. Great friend Marilyn from Chicago is in Denver today and tonight. Looking forward to happy hour tonight!

Here's Marilyn and me, circa 2002-ish: (yup, those are pumpkins!)

And here we are, attempting our version of the Funk Soul Brother dance:

In case you don't know about the Funk Soul Brother Dance, here it is:

3. In honor of Marilyn's visit, we're heading to happy hour tonight at a lovely little spot in Denver called, well, you guessed it...

(Image credit: http://www.rootdowndenver.com)

The restaurant / bar used to be an old car service station. So cool!

(Image credit: http://www.rootdowndenver.com)

I'm off to clean the house and run errands. How you gonna kick YOUR weekend?

-DTL

Moral Development Cycle...An Explanation!

2010-05-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

Oops...I failed to connect some information from my last post...

I mentioned that Logan helped me to think of the development of morality in a cyclical way.

I then moved on to talk about modeling as a first step.

I forgot to "close the loop," in the cycle, however.
Picture this:

I view modeling (setting a good example), done by a teacher, parent, faith leader, mentor, etc., as the beginning of the cycle. Morals are passed along, and eventually, the process begins again. Just like Logan passed along his moral values (modeled by the boundaries set by his parents, rules at school, etc.) to me through his D'var Torah talk, and now I'm continuing the cycle through my reflections via this blog. Morality and the idea of conscience will continue to develop, as I see it anyway, as we share our reflections.

My ultimate hope, and a way to continue the cycle, is that Logan will continue to learn and grow through this process, perhaps by reflecting on how I perceived his Torah interpretation, or through what people share in the comments section of this post.

Instead of a linear, cut and dry process of development, a cycle allows for reflection and interpretation.

Hmmm...still wonder why naturally knowing the difference between right and wrong isn't so simple?

-DTL

"Right" (or Wrong?) of Passage -- A Bar Mitzvah D'var Torah Reflection

2010-05-20T00:09:00.003-07:00

Dear Logan,

The weekend of your Bar Mitzvah in Chicago was such a whirlwind! Mark and I were thrilled to travel from Denver to be a part of such a meaningful event in your life. It has been a few weeks now since the overwhelming celebration, and I'm sure you have already resorted back to life as usual (for the most part, anyway).

As you continue on your journey with one huge rite of passage under your belt, you will have a greater awareness of how the entire experience had an effect on you, and how it will continue to transform you as a person in the future. What you may not know, is how your Bar Mitzvah experience touched the lives of others; your family, friends and beyond. I can't personally speak for anyone else, but I'd like to share how your D'var Torah talk inspired me to reflect on my own life and what it means to be a good person (and I apologize in advance if this gets a little long! Bear with me, ok?)

I want to thank you for allowing me to share your D'var Torah talk in such a public format. As I will mention later in this post, you are truly wise beyond your years. I have told you and your brother Eli this before; although we are not related by blood, Mark and I love you both as if you were our nephews. Needless to say, we are proud of you and all of the hard work and dedication that you contributed to the process of becoming a Bar Mitzvah.

I am blessed to know you, Logan. Strangers who read this post will be blessed to learn from you. I hope your "little voice" reminds you often of how blessed you truly are!

All my love,

Chrissy 

FIRST STEPS

Intrinsic Insight Into the Cycle of Morality

A few weeks ago, I attended my very first Bar Mitzvah. Given my Catholic upbringing, I had no idea what to expect. I was, however, eager for the experience because lately, I have been on a mission to make some decisions in regard to my own faith. This will give you a little background...

I was honored to be invited to support Logan, the Bar Mitzvah, as he embarked on such a sacred milestone. It was his choice to honor this tradition along his spiritual journey, which required countless hours of studying, reflection and commitment.

For those unfamiliar with some aspects of Judaism, please click here for a quick, bare bones background on Torah Study, which is a large portion of a Bar Mitzvah's responsibility. (Keep in mind the source -- Wikipedia. It is certainly convenient, but not always accurate...wink, wink!)

In particular, the Bar Mitzvah shares a talk called the D'var Torah, related to the weekly Torah portion of the service (Click here for specific information on D'var Torah).

It was during Logan's D'var Torah talk at his Bar Mitzvah service that I realized how much he had grown up in the short time since I had seen him last. I was stunned by his insight and maturity. Flabbergasted by the connections he made between his Torah portion and his own life and to the world. Astonished at how wisely he conveyed what he had learned from his studies so succinctly in his writing. And pleased with how confidently he shared his written speech to a synagogue filled with his family and friends.

I did expect to witness a symbolic spiritual transformation in Logan, even though I didn't know exactly how it would manifest itself. A mysterious and powerful calling to reflect on my own faith and morals, however, I did not expect.

The "old" Logan...dancing with me on my wedding day, July 2008

Photo credit: Andy Andrews

Logan provided countless tidbits for reflection in his D'var Torah talk. So many, in fact, that I had to ask him to send me a copy of his talk so I could read it to refresh my memory. I have included a portion of his talk below, with highlighted snippets to show exactly what spoke to me then, and continues to challenge me now to seek out meaning in my life and guide my spiritual path.
***The following text is original work belonging exclusively to Logan Faber. Please respect his thoughts by refraining from duplication or use without obtaining specific permission. Thank you.***

Logan's D'var Torah Talk

"When I was little, I used to love watching Loony Toons on Sunday mornings. In this show, the bad guys always fall short of getting the good guys, because they did very awful things, and the good guys always ended up with the prize because they were innocent and did the right thing.

My Torah portion, Bechukotai, explains this very same process. It explains that if we follow God’s laws and commandments excellent things will happen to us. If we don’t, horrific things will happen to us. But is it really that simple?

I think we can all agree that real life isn’t always like it is in a cartoon or in the Torah. Terrible things do happen to good people. And nice things do happen to not so nice people.

So, is Bechukotai meaningless? I don’t think so. I think there is still a message we can gain from this portion. Let’s start with an example. Imagine being a young child standing on the edge of a very deep lake. Our parents call over to tell us to stop and be careful, because we might fall in. Our parents aren’t trying to control us like puppets—rather, they are setting some reasonable boundaries for us. They want us to be safe.

I think that God is setting boundaries for us too so we can be safe. Let’s remember, at the time of this portion, the Israelite people were only a few years out of slavery. They had hundreds of years where they couldn’t really think for themselves—their slave owners decided everything for them. But God set up these rules not only so they would be safe, but also so they can feel satisfaction. Behavior that can lead to satisfaction can also be helped by setting up rewards and punishments.

For example, do you ever get the feeling where you just want to do the right thing? Not because there’s a reward, or a punishment, or someone yelling at you to do so? I think that by offering rewards and punishments, God is giving us some incentive get this feeling more often.

When I was little, I wanted what I wanted right away . Whenever I did something wrong, my mom would say, “what did your little voice say” and I would say, “it didn’t say anything”. But now I realize that of course it did say something. I knew when I was doing something wrong because my parents set boundaries and rules for me. The little voice was my conscience, telling me when I was violating those rules.

I think that Bechukotai is not saying simply that if we follow rules good things happen, and if not, unpleasant things happen. That would leave a ton of questions, like what could a sick child have possibly done to deserve his or her illness? Or what did a family to do to be punished by being born into poverty with less opportunity than most of us?

Instead, perhaps Bechukotai is God’s first step in helping us develop our own little voice—our own conscience. There are good things and bad things. Like a child, at first we choose the good things because we fear punishment. But eventually, we should choose good simply because it is the right thing to do. That doesn’t mean we are guaranteed a life free of problems…just that we are on the path toward making good decisions.

In my opinion, God intends for us to make choices between good and bad—in other words—gives us free will. We have choice when multiple paths lie in front of us. We have to learn from the choices we make. Sometimes they are the right ones for us. Like going with your gut on that test question, and then getting it right. Other times, we make the wrong choice. Like when we take something without asking and it ends up to be a present for a cousin. We can only learn from our mistakes and try to make better choices in the future.

I believe that another reason God gives us free will is because God wants us to develop a sense of social justice and act on it. I think this is the case because God wants us to prosper by ourselves, and not control us like puppets all the time. Even God needs a coffee break sometimes. In Hebrew, we refer to these acts as mitzvot. Literally “commandments”—so God is commanding us to work toward social justice.

Since the age of 5, I have been working with a great organization called Circ-Esteem. The mission of Circesteem is to unite youth from diverse, racial, cultural, and economic backgrounds and help them build self-esteem and mutual respect through the practice of circus arts. In the process of working with the other kids, I have found that even though we come from diverse backgrounds we aren’t much different at all. I have made many friends and learned many skills like juggling, balancing on a wire, and being very silly in clowning. I have also learned to become a great team mate with all the group acts and trips we go on. Currently, I have been working with a program called “Homework and Circus Work” in the Circ-Esteem curriculum, helping to tutor kids who need help with their studies. This is my way of contributing toward social justice by giving everyone an equal opportunity to learn. This is also for the common good—looking beyond myself and helping my community.

I think God is trying to tell us that rules, boundaries, punishments and rewards are what set us on this path of moral development. So what meaning can we take from this portion, with its promise that God blesses those who follow the mitzvot and curses those who turn away from Torah? Maybe it's as simple as this: The mitzvot teach us to recognize and appreciate life's blessings, helping us mature and develop an attitude of sensitivity and gratitude."

Conscious Conscience Connections

What Logan said in his talk helped me to think about the development of morality in a cyclical way. Throughout the course of my recent graduate education courses and student teaching experience, I struggled with the challenge of developing intrinsic motivation in students. I will continue to ask myself, "How can I motivate students to do the right thing... for the simple fact that it is just the 'right thing to do?'" "How do I explain to students that the process of rule-following holds a deeper meaning than simply staying out of trouble?" "How can I get these kids to realize that the development of moral character is enhanced by an understanding of why a specific choice is the right one?"

Well, the answer (a common buzz word in education these days) is modeling. Leading by example. Modeling, modeling, and more modeling. In my opinion, modeling is the "first step" -- it begins the cycle of morality off on the "right" foot (oh yes...pun intended!). This first step, modeling, guides us and helps us to develop a conscience (the little voice inside our heads, as Logan puts it). As an aspiring teacher, sometimes it is difficult for me to explain to students that just because they follow my lead and make good choices, it doesn't mean that their daily experiences will be rewarding and that things will always be "fair." It wasn't until last year in my Teaching for Social Justice course that I truly understood the difference between equal and equitable. I realized that equal is not always equitable. How could I transform this concept into something an elementary student could not only understand, but apply to their own life?

Well, as Logan very eloquently remarks, "That doesn't mean we are guaranteed a life free of problems...just that we are on the path toward making good decisions." I realize that I am a little biased when it comes to Logan because I know and love him, but to me, that statement is remarkably profound. People, young and old, continue to grapple with the reality of bad things happening to good people. It has torn people from their faith, and forced others to question their entire moral platform. The fact that this thirteen-year-old boy, my friend Logan, gleaned this realization so early in his life makes me beam with pride and fill with hope for future generations.

Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. I do tend to go overboard at times, but the simple fact remains that life is not always fair. Things will not always be equal. The right thing to do will not always feel the best (which is exactly what Logan's mother, my dear friend Pamela, reminded Logan of during her speech on Logan's Bar Mitzvah day...MODELING at it's finest!!). The path toward making good decisions might be riddled with unanswered questions, but the longer we continue down that path, the more opportunities we'll have to feel that unexplainable satisfaction that Logan refers to. For lack of a better term, let's call it joy, shall we?

The "new" Logan...post Bar Mitzvah

Photo credit: Chrissy Richter

Logan, thank you for helping me to realize that figuring out all of the answers is not the point. The joy of the journey is really what counts.

Well, there you have it. Logan's D'var Torah, for ya. An insightful speech to teach all within reach and beyond. I hope it reached you in one form or another.

EnJOY your journey,
-DTL

2010-05-18T16:00:00.001-07:00

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The Sunday Tumble - Blow it Out Your...

2010-05-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

9:00 p.m. Sick, sore, exhausted. Off to bed. But first...

Time to tumble!

Post a caption and I'll announce the winner on Friday. You can do so in the comments section or on the Denver's Tumbling Leaf Facebook Page.

Here goes (yep...this is me, a few years back...):

Have you all had a lovely weekend!
-DTL

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 4 - Rainy Weather OUT. Feel UNDER Weather. Definitely OVER Both.

2010-05-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

Whine, complain, whine, complain... Pick a preposition, it's all the same.

Just a few thingportants today and then I'm back to resting on the couch with some tea:

1. My entire body hurts. Throat, head, bones, tummy, eyes, blech. Perfect timing -- Colfax Marathon Relay in TWO days.

Here's me yesterday...feeling fine...

And today... Ugh.

2. AH! Colfax Marathon Relay in TWO days!

3. Have run TWICE in past TWO weeks.

4. I have to run almost FOUR miles.

5. Have only run TWO recently.

6. Am determined to push through for the sake of my friend and relay team member Jill, who has been busting her patoot to run in her first ever race. Will not let her down!

7. Had a wonderful breakfast meeting with my Pedagogy professor this morning.

8. It's hailing and raining and thundering and pouring.

9. Tucker is shaking and drooling and hiding, NOT snoring (because he refuses to eat the lunch meat spiked with tranquilizer treat I made for him!).

Attempting to move everything in my closet out of the way so he could hide in the corner...

The picture doesn't do it justice -- he's actually panting and shaking and drooling all over. Ew.

He thought maybe THIS closet would be better... (YES, I label everything. No judging!)

It might look like a doggy smile, but he's really in agony. Poor guy! Seattle would be like suicide for him...

10. Headed to hide on the couch, myself.

-DTL

Michelle....Chicago....Rhythm on Randolph -- A Most Fabulous Trifecta

2010-05-12T11:09:00.001-07:00

Oh, My Michelle!

Nope, she's not actually "mine." I'm not that selfish... It's just that there are a lot of Michelle's out there in the world, so I like to lovingly refer to her as "My Michelle." Much better than "Michelle, my bell." Right?

Well, she's wonderful. Smart. Stunning (seriously!). Thoughtful. Efficient. Sweet, savvy, saucy, sneaky, and silly. A loyal friend. A most fabulous person!

Why write such a glowing homage today? You guessed it...it's her birthday. Of course I feel this way about her everyday. Today it just seemed fitting to share this with others in honor of my friend.

In an attempt to keep most of the special nuances of our friendship private (which I respect because Michelle truly values intimacy between friends), I'd like to focus on one (believe me, there's MANY!) of her major life accomplishments that is very dear to my heart.

Rhythm!

I hope that those who are lucky enough to know her had a chance to experience Rhythm. If the opportunity unfortunately passed you by, in a nutshell, Rhythm was a bar that Michelle and her partners Rob and Doug opened on Randolph Street in Chicago's West Loop. Please take a moment to read all about it here. And here. Here. And finally...here. Oh wait...there's some pretty good reviews here!

I know, I know. Overkill. I just want you to get the full effect, you know?

Anyway, let's say you've never participated in a drum circle before (gasp!). I once tried to capture the feeling in words, so maybe this will help: (I gave this to Michelle when I heard that Rhythm was closing)

IN HONOR OF RHYTHM

rap rap rap TAP slap TAP slap slap

rap rap rap TAP slap TAP slap rap!

we clap our hands and stamp our feet

at our favorite place to meet on Randolph Street

long steady beat

we feel the heat of

our throbbing hands as we

SLAM jam jam SLAM

SLAM jam jam SLAM!

ALIVE comes the pit!

our souls commit

in the circle we dance, prance, groove, move, shake, quake, quiver, quaver,

romp, stomp, gyrate, gravitate, twirl, whirl, swirl, reel FEEL.

It's personal.

Your way

my way

his way

her way

their way

our way

djembe!

Shhhhhh.....

easy, soft, gentle, hush,

shh, shh, shush, shush,

easy, soft, gentle, hush,

shh, shh, shush.

hold it- hold it- hold it- hold it

low low low low

slow slow slow slow

sssss llll oooooo wwwwwww

long soft song.....

GONG!

And now for the Rhythm photo montage...
**Photos are courtesy and property of Aaron Frey and Chrissy Richter**

(Rob, I apologize...I can't find ANY pics of you! And not for lack of trying. Ugh.)

Michelle, wherever your future journey takes you, always know that your past is a true testament to you as a person. No one can ever take that away.

Happy Birthday, Lovie.
-DTL

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 3 - Tardy Tumblings

2010-05-11T16:13:00.003-07:00

Hi. I'm tardy with my posts, but for good reason. Traveled to Chicago and back to attend my first Bar Mitzvah! A whirlwind, indeed, as my Chicago trips always are. More on said Bar Mitzvah in a future post. For now, it's time to TUMBLE!

Speaking of tumbles...

1. I should address my first Sunday Tumble Caption Contest.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Jeremy! (He's not a blogger, but he enjoys a good fall as much as the rest of 'em!)

With this doozie:

"On a first date some women like chocolates, some like flowers, but not us.
We enjoy the good old-fashioned concussion!"

Sorry Jeremy, no job for me means no prize for you, but hopefully I'll be able to offer prizes soon! Until then, will you accept this?

Thanks to all who participated! Stay tuned for the next Sunday Tumble Caption Contest - will post another photo this coming Sunday.

2. Finally got to meet good friend Gretchen's baby, Max! More on him in the future (there's so many wonderful things to say...he deserves his own post!)

Here he is with lovely Chicago friend, Michelle:

Here, he fell asleep while Gretchen was holding him...
nope, he's not eating a snack, he he!

Sooooo fun cuddling with friends, new and old!
(Old friend, not person, he he)

3. Here's some other random happenings from my Chicago trip, in no particular order:

Logan and Mark, in Millennium Park

That's me, in the Bean

Eli and Mark at the "Gyro Wheel" table at the retro-themed Bar Mitzvah reception

Me with the Bar Mitzvah, Logan, at brunch at Tavern on Rush

Yep...The Bean

Me, in a cab on Michigan Ave.

4. I am proud to admit that I taught my young friend Caroline to plan her time using color coding and an "unschedule." Had no idea she'd really take it and run with it, but look! Wowzers...

More on the Bar Mitzvah later this week. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!
-DTL

Vintage Purse Giveaway!

2010-05-05T23:12:00.001-07:00

My new blogging friend, Bug, from In Bug's Drawers is hosting a fabulous vintage purse giveaway.

Here are the guidelines (reposted from Bug's original post):

This is your chance! To qualify for my giveaway you can do one or more of the following to double your chances to win. If you choose to do more than one, make sure to let me know in the comments section along with providing your email. You have until May 12th to enter :)

1. Become a follower if not already
2. Follow me on bloglovin'
4. Befriend me on Twitter, Myspace or Facebook
3. Repost this Giveaway on your blog

Baked Green Potatoes

2010-05-04T21:31:00.001-07:00

I decided on a baked potato for dinner tonight.

So...I baked it, cut it open, did the squeezy thing and fluffed it up. And this is what I got:

Does anyone know why potatoes turn green? I've always wondered...

I thought I'd try to cover it up with some butter, cheese, ranch dressing and Mrs. Dash (oh yeah...you know it!).

Eh...

Good enough.
-DTL

Denver's Crumbling History -- West Washington Park Neighborhood 's Abandoned Byers Junior High School

2010-05-03T22:16:00.001-07:00

Over the past year, I have grown to form a sentimental connection to an abandoned school building near my home -- Byers Junior High School. I'd like to share some of my research here. This post is not an effort to try to "save" the building and fight to have it turned back into a school, because I understand the reality of the state of the economy and the demographics of the neighborhood. I simply would just like to share this story. Hopefully you will share this with others as well, to help honor the history that you'll read about below.

Please keep in mind that this case study was intended to teach me how to introduce place-based learning to my future elementary students. Not to cause a ruckus, make waves or to "stir the pot" amongst the members of my community. Thanks for your understanding!

Almost four years ago, my husband and I moved from Chicago to the West Washington Park Neighborhood of Denver. Over time, we have grown to absolutely love it. And for good reason...

We love the mismatched mix of apartment buildings, condos, duplexes and single family homes. The hodge podge of single folk, married couples, seniors, dogs, and the like. The proximity to Denver's beautiful Washington Park and the surprisingly serene mountain views.

We have noticed, however, that there aren't many children in our area. I'm certainly a lover of little ones, so I tend to feel it in my bones when there is a significant absence of youngsters. I get sort of a dull ache, perhaps due to the lack of roaring laughter echoing through the streets, or an overwhelming seriousness that looms on occasion. In West Washington Park, that absence is intensified for me, due to its abandoned and run down school building -- the former Byers Junior High School.

Byers Junior High School Today - Former Basketball Court

(Photo taken by Chrissy Richter)

The dilapidated tennis courts now serve as a makeshift dog park. Our dog, Tucker, knows it well, which is one of the reasons why I have such a strong connection to the property, still owned by Denver Public Schools. Last summer, I had the opportunity to do some place-based research for a graduate course on teaching science to elementary students. I chose the old Byers building, and you'd be AMAZED at the history that I uncovered!

Below are a few excerpts from the case study that I wrote for my graduate course this summer:

Uncertain Future for Abandoned Byers Junior High School Building

Denver Public Schools (DPS) Seeks Developer Bids For Sale of Property

Main Entrance of Byers Junior High School Today
(Photo taken by Chrissy Richter)

Denver Public Schools (DPS) announced that the sale of one of its ten empty and abandoned properties, Byers Junior High School, might happen as early as this winter. Located at 150 S. Pearl Street in the West Washington Park neighborhood of Denver, the Byers building has been empty since 2004. Many issues involving numerous stakeholders surround the pending sale of the property. The sentimental neighborhood constituency is determined to transform the building back into a functioning school, and on the other end of the spectrum is an astronomical price tag in the midst of a suffering economy for DPS to refurbish the building. A meeting to discuss the pending sale was held in June, and one final, critical meeting involving DPS and concerned community members will take place this winter, where a decision is expected to be made.

A Pioneer’s Pride and Joy

The History of Byers Junior High School

Photo retrieved from http://www.denverlibrary.org (Western History and Genealogy)

William Newton Byers, founder of The Rocky Mountain News and influential Denver pioneer, was known for his remarkable accomplishments during Denver’s inaugural days. In January, 1872, The American Phrenological Journal honored Byers and his resourceful demeanor by saying, “By no means a creature of circumstance, he has made opportunities and carved a future for himself, despite misfortunes and calamities. He is one of the most industrious and upright men the Far West has to show,” (Stern, 1969). He acquired the block bordered by Pearl, Bayaud, Washington and Cedar in the West Washington Park neighborhood in 1891. He built his mansion with a spectacular view of the mountains, and beautifully landscaped the grounds with a unique arboretum containing thirty-five varieties of exotic trees. The house featured distinctive ivy-covered walls and an elaborate interior of mahogany, oak and walnut wood (Melrose, 1984).

William Newton Byers' Mansion -- Torn Down to Make Room for New School Building

Photo retrieved from http://www.denverlibrary.org (Western History and Genealogy)

Interior of Byers' Mansion

Photo retrieved from http://www.denverlibrary.org (Western History and Genealogy)

Shortly after Byers’ death in March of 1903, DPS targeted the land as the site for a new south High School and bought the half block between Pennsylvania and Pearl along the south side of Cedar for the proposed educational facility. Nothing happened until 1918, when DPS rented the Byers Mansion from his wife, Mrs. Elizabeth Byers, and moved Broadway Junior High School, renamed as Logan Junior High School, into the house. DPS then purchased the house and surrounding land on October 13, 1919, for $45,000 and hired architect William Norman Bowman to design a Gothic-style school there. Byers Junior High School opened its doors in 1921 (Goodstein, 1991).

Many trees surrounding the abandoned property are still marked with the name of the species. If you're ever in the area, check them out! Amazing!

(Photo taken by Chrissy Richter)

Distinguished Charm Meets Remarkable Character

School’s Soul Transcends Building Walls

Byers Junior High School

Photo retrieved from http://www.denverlibrary.org (Western History and Genealogy)

A special wire-cut light buff brick and trimmed terra cotta mark the exterior of the $408,000 school building which Architectural Forum hailed as one of the most beautiful schools in the country shortly after it opened in 1921. Simultaneously, a school commission in Moscow noted the charm of the structure and sent away to Bowman for information about the school, claiming the Russians wished to erect a comparable building in the Soviet Union (The Rocky Mountain News, 1920).

Byers Junior High School encompassed more than just a dazzling exterior. Consider the variety of intriguing historical legends and facts connected to the school to discover a dynamic spirit – the core of what many in the neighborhood are currently fighting to save. For instance, William Byers’ pet dog, a St. Bernard, is said to be buried by the Washington Street driveway. Also, the trees of the Byers estate were carefully preserved and labeled by O.E. Cackey, the first custodian of the building, and another staff member, Louise A. Merrill, served as principal until her death on duty on January 16, 1940. As a homage to William N. Byers, the weekly student newspaper, Byers Junior News, was carefully modeled after The Rocky Mountain News, whose first edition was prominently displayed in the school office. Finally, on the day the school closed in 1982, the faculty and staff staged a mock funeral, complete with a fake casket holding a ruler, notebook and other educational items, on the front steps to place the spirit of Byers Junior High finally to rest (Goodstein, 1991).

All Good Things Must
Come to an End

After 61 Years of Educating Denver’s Youth, Byers Junior High School Closes

       In 1982, DPS closed Byers Junior High School citing low enrollment as the cause, although the school had been suffering for quite some time.  By the late 1960’s, the school was suffering from the typical tensions of junior high schools.  Female students especially wanted to behave themselves since girl gangs were said to run around the neighborhood, ripping the earrings off of so-called “outside” junior high school girls they found in the area after school hours.  Then, with the coming of busing, Byers experienced some racial problems between Hispanics (brought from west of Broadway) and local students (1991).

DPS admitted that the school lacked a natural constituency since changing population patterns and busing had destroyed its neighborhood student base, and the faculty and staff agreed. Gene Amole, a Byers alum, reported that “Byers was the victim of its own success. Always staffed by people dedicated to solving problems, it never gained attention in the media. The Byers staff handled things before they became crises, and media coverage seems often reserved for bad news,” (Amole, 1982).

Despite the school’s unfortunate end, the building managed to remain connected to the education world for the next 20 years. In December 1983, DPS proposed to turn the building into an Alternative Learning Center as a form of “last chance school” for junior high and high school youth who had severe difficulties with the regular educational process. Despite a good deal of local opposition, that feared that the school would only bring troublemaking youth into the area, the Alternative Learning Center opened on March 1, 1984, with a crew of volunteer teachers (Goodstein, 1991).

The building was also used for adult education classes, as offices, and as the home of the DPS’s Bilingual EsoL Education program. In the early 1990’s, controversy surrounded the school when DPS announced its intention of using the building as a full-fledged alternative high school – Denver School of the Arts (DSA). The building became then became DSA’s home until 2003, when it moved into the current location in Stapleton (1991).

The school building has been vacant since 2004. It is designated as a Denver Landmark building, which means that exterior changes of any kind require approval by the Landmark Commission. Despite its landmark status, the building is in desperate need of repair quickly before it is too late to be saved.

The Price of Preservation

Tough Economy Makes Restoration Seem Unfathomable

DPS is faced with a tough decision – sell the property and use the money toward current operating schools, or shell out an estimated $6 to $15 million or more to restore the building and grounds in a neighborhood with a low amount of school-aged children. Necessary improvements include: major renovation and construction of code-complaint fire suppression; American Disabilities Act compliance; flooring; roofing; exterior restoration; windows; and grounds updating and maintenance (Disposition of Vacant Buildings Update, 2009).

Aside from the substantial cost of restoration, the issue of property value comes into play. The building is currently dilapidated, run-down, and unsightly. It attracts loitering, litter, graffiti and the homeless. The property values in the community certainly are not benefiting from the building’s current state. Will a refurbished school be the best option to increase property values, or would the alternative, condominium living, serve the community better?

The Sunday Tumble - A Photo Caption Contest!

2010-05-02T22:19:00.002-07:00

It's Sunday. I've been a little lazy, and a LOT tired all day. Many Sundays go like this. I figured I'd save myself the trouble of commissioning my tired and lazy brain to write a substantial post, and I'd create "The Sunday Tumble."

I'm sure we could all use a laugh (and a fun, competitive game!) before we tumble into Monday. So I'll post the image each Sunday, and you will have all week to come up with a caption. Feel free leave your caption in the comments of this post, or on the "Wall" of Denver's Tumbling Leaf's Facebook page. All I ask is if you please keep your captions as clean as possible.

I'll announce the winner each Friday, and even offer a $5 Starbuck's gift card (!) to the winner each week as soon as I find a job. UNTIL then...you'll have to settle for bragging rights, ok?

Here we go...the first Sunday Tumble:

Let the caption-ing begin!
-DTL

Will Day

2010-05-01T11:35:00.001-07:00

Happy Will Day!

I realize that it's technically May Day today, but you know me. I have a habit of going against life's grain to make things interesting.

For example...

I considered writing about things that I "may" do today, this week, this month, this year. It would have looked something like this:

1. I may dye my hair today.
2. I may exercise more often.
3. I may become a teacher soon.
4. I may become a published author.
5. I may have children and raise a family.

Sure, it fits in with the "May Day" theme. Setting positive goals in a cheeky way. Cute, right?

Wrong.

To me, the word "may" is right up there with "might," which is detrimental to a list of goals, cheeky or not. "May" is sneaky, because it is safe. May offers the option of completion, which has plagued me for much too long.

So I declare today...Will Day! It doesn't have the same "zing" as May Day, but it has something better. A concrete deciding factor. Like these:

1. I will dye my hair today.
2. I will exercise more often.
3. I will become a teacher soon.
4. I will become a published author.
5. I will have children and raise a family.

I like the sound of "definite." Most definitely!

So...

In my experience, where there's a may, there's a way. But there's no guarantees.
Where there's a WILL, there's completion, and guaranteed success.

Now THAT'S cute, right?

Happy Will Day, all!
What WILL you do today?
-DTL

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 2 - Montage-Worthy Tumbling

2010-04-30T13:09:00.001-07:00

Happy Friday! I can't believe it's already been a week since my first Fumblings. I must remind myself that I created Friday Fumblings as an exercise in letting go, so I'll just get to it.

Well, spring in Denver has pretty much looked like this:

And this:

And yep, this: (watch out, Cherry Creek Mall...it looks like the end of the world is near!)

Which ultimately leads to our loyal, yet anxiety-ridden, Tucker to do this in the yard:

Oh yeah, and this (you can't quite tell, but he heads over to dig up the area with the bushes as well! ARG!)

Oh, and if you aren't aware of what this adorable dog can do in terms of destruction...(no, not ME...he he)

Picture couches shredded to pieces, back doors scratched into splinters, and pools of nervously flung drool all over our wooden floors and carpets. Ewwwww, Tucker. Ew. You'd think that since we've had him for almost four years now, he'd calm down. Quite the contrary.

The windy and rainy weather has, of course, summoned our lovely tulips and daffodils, which have brought us much joy amidst our doggy drama. I didn't take a pic of them in full bloom this year, but here they are, somewhat withering away:

And that means it's yard clean-up time, and eh, well, time to get rid of the weeds as well:

And to transform our now barren back yard "gardening center" into a lively work center for the summer:

But first, both Mark and I have a lot of work to do (here's a little bit of school work I intend on wrapping up this weekend. The rest of the table will be filled with Mark's work -- perfecting a presentation for an upcoming airport next week):

The working weekend will require lots of this (for me, anyway. And yep, I did crochet the coffee sweater, which admittedly, I've used as a gin and tonic cozy as well):

See, told ya:

And hopefully I can reward myself this weekend with some quality time with Jess:

Which makes me really:

Happy and content.

Thanks for reading, as always! Hope you tumble into some fabulous weekend experiences.

-DTL

SMITC -- This one's for you!

2010-04-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Here goes...

Dear Single Mom In The City (aka, marathon relay teammate and fab friend, Jill):

Here's me when I was fifteen-ish. (No, no, no...not FREAKISH...fifteen-ish). I told you I'd make it up to you!

Right, left, right, left, right left,
-DTL

Byrne Urban Scholars - An Inspiring Influence, Indeed

2010-04-28T18:33:00.001-07:00

MENTORING...THIS COULD BE THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP

"Oh my goodness! The little sister I've always wanted? Rock on!"

Silly as it sounds, these were the thoughts that were running through my head before, during and after my interview today. I met with the program director for Byrne Urban Scholars to discuss the ins and outs of their mentoring program, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm more than a little thrilled about the upcoming opportunity.

Ok, ok...I might have been getting ahead of myself just a tad by thinking that I'll automatically have this "big sister, little sister" relationship with my future mentee. I get ahead of myself sometimes. I know this. It comes from a good place though, so I'll go with it...

Anyway, I have four friends who are current mentors for Byrne Urban Scholars. Here's one...check her out sometime. She's a riot, and an honest-to-goodness deep down good person. Anyway, I simply can't wait to be a part of this community. I can't wait to make a difference. I can't wait to help a high school student succeed (hopefully!). And before you toss your cookies because of all this bright-eyed cheesiness, I'll just say that I simply can't wait to meet my future mentee!

MAKING CONNECTIONS

I know I won't be mentoring for a while, since the mentor / mentee matches for the upcoming school year haven't even been made yet. Until then though, my goal is to actively SPREAD THE WORD that Byrne Urban Scholars is LOOKING FOR MENTORS! Please visit the the Web site if you are interested at all to learn more.

Here are some facts to get you started:

One student drops out of high school every nine seconds in America.

In Denver, 37% of all high school students drop out.

Colorado ranks 49th out of 50 states with the highest percentage of teens that are high school drop outs.

Byrne Urban Scholars graduates one student at a time. This year they have 20 students graduating from high school and heading on to college. Many of these students are the first in their family to finish high school. Their mentors have played a huge role in them graduating!

RIGHT ON, MAN!

Ok, If I have any male readers out there, please know that male mentors are in HIGH demand. There simply aren't enough. Just thought I'd plant the bug... THANK YOU!

TELL ME YOUR STORY

Do YOU have a mentor? Are you a mentor for someone else? Did you have a mentor when you were growing up?

I would love for you to post a comment and say a few words about your experience. In other words...any advice for a future mentor? Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Well, more mentoring stories (vaguely stated to protect identity, of course) to come this summer and fall. As always, thanks for reading!
-DTL

Great-Fullness. A More Positive Alternative to Yuck-Voidness.

2010-04-27T20:29:00.000-07:00

Conveyed in a voice mail message. Written in numerous emails. Whispered in my ear. Overwhelmingly felt in my heart.

Today I received many reminders, subtle and straightforward, about how great my life truly is right now. I know what you're thinking... "Blah blah blah...life is soooooo great. Good for you." Well, yes. Thank you. Good for me!

I have great friends. A great family. Great mentors. A great husband. Even great thingportants.

It doesn't really matter to me how life was before today. Or what it will be like tomorrow. I think it's remarkably (yep...purposely being redundant...) GREAT today.

If tomorrow comes and I begin to feel yuck-void (get it? I thought it was kinda clever...), I will remind myself of today. A day chock-full FULL of...well...

great.

-DTL

A Stumble of Faith

2010-04-26T22:29:00.001-07:00

Tonight I took a huge leap of faith.

I have been majorly putting off some work lately, out of sheer fear. I finally bit the bullet and miraculously moved forward a bit. I didn't take a graceful leap, or a execute a flawless swan dive. I kinda slipped, stumbled, tumbled, and then...PLOP.

I belly flopped, more like it, into frigid waters. I'm hoping it will pay off in the end though, and I end up making it to the warm, sunny shore. You know, before I drown.

Well, I desperately need a tan anyway, so it's time to bask in the glow of success. My floaties have come off, and now it's sink or swim time.

-DTL

Clothing Swaps - A "How-To" in Humanity

2010-04-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

Trade. Exchange. Give. Barter. Lend. Borrow. Swap.

Call it what you will. People have been practicing the art of the swap well before today's trendy label was affixed. Either way, it's no surprise to me that clothing swaps have become very "in" these days, especially among my fashion-forward peers.

Our motivation? Well, most of us make an attempt to live as greenly as we can, even if we find ourselves whizzing through a yellow light on occasion. We flaunt our creativity and social prowess by hosting a party in the name of the three R's, all while flexing our thrifty muscles. We each go home with a load of ~~new~~ different stuff, remarkably, while helping others as a result.

These folks know exactly what I mean... According to them, clothing swaps are "revolutionizing America's approach to fashion." Hmmm.... A strong statement, indeed. My hand-me-down hat's off to them for taking note, organizing clothing swap fundraising events for charities, and spreading the word on how it all works.

And they're certainly not the only "voice of the swap" out there...

Many articles have been written on the how-to's of swapping, and there are even online options outlining the hands-off approach to hand-me-downs. In the midst of the social savvy hoopla that has saturated our go-to media outlets, I just can't help but reflect on the fad and wonder how we'll feel when the economy comes back around... and the newness wears off.

Which in turn, leads me to realize that this concept is far from new. A stretch, perhaps, but early explorers scoured the seas searching for new trade routes. Retail stores exchange items to ensure a pleasant experience for consumers. And school children continue to get a thrill out of swapping potato chips and cookies during lunchtime.

What's the common thread? How are today's clothing swaps different than yesterday's swap meets, flea markets, and trading posts?

For me, there's no major difference at all. I relish in the satisfaction of knowing that I've made a friend feel pretty and confident by offering up an old pink trench coat. That just because I repeatedly purchase shoes that seem to fit in the store, but don't when I get home, the money I spent wasn't a total loss. I know I can swap them for something equally as fabulous that actually fits. And finally, that I can walk into the Goodwill by my house on any given day and find an item that didn't to find a new home at one of our swaps.

Trade out any synonym for "good" and that's exactly how it has always felt. I remember the warm fuzzy feeling I got in elementary school when I'd trade my Doritos for a classmate's apple. Or when my older cousin Caryn handed me a huge garbage bag full of her old clothes. And today, that same feeling emerges when I set aside certain items from our swap parties for the sixth-grade girl I nanny for. It will be that way for me long after the how-to articles are archived and we've found a more exciting reason for hosting parties.

That coveted "good" feeling is MY common thread. I look forward to weaving it into future endeavors, and swapping misfortune and greed for a lifetime of newness and contentment.

What's YOUR common thread?

-DTL

Friday Fumblings, Vol. 1 - The Dawn of "Thingportant" Dumping

2010-04-23T15:45:00.002-07:00

By the end of each week, my brain is usually brimming with bits and pieces of snazzy blog ideas, detailed first-hand encounters, and a few not-very-exciting thingportants.

(Importings? Nope. Don't like the sound of that.)

They are simply not very exciting, yet important, things.

They are officially my "Thingportants."

I thought I'd dedicate Fridays to posting a list of said ideas, encounters and thingportants, in an attempt to clear my head. Also, I'm going to use Friday Fumblings as an exercise in "letting go." If a blog idea doesn't come to fruition, so be it. If my spelling and grammar stink, so be it. If it doesn't make sense to my readers, so be it. And so on.

Might sound simple to some, but to me, letting go (of anything!) is not an easy feat. So bear with me, k?

...And let the brain dumping begin!

FRIDAY FUMBLINGS, Vol. 1

1. Our big huge pansy of a dog, Tucker

Both Mark and I are at our wit's end with good 'ole Tuxter. Tuckie. Buddy. Bud Bud. Tuck Tuck. Yuck, yuck! Over the past week he has: Chewed up my camel colored sexy heels. Drooled on anything and everything in our house, including our floors, carpets, couches, everything in our closets, on Mark's sleeping bag, etc. He's woken us up in the middle of the night about 4 out of the 7 days this week. He threw up on the leather couch that we JUST had fixed because he ate a hole in it. And he attacked a dog at the dog park. I'm forgetting some incidents, I'm sure, but it's been really exhausting. He's such an anxious boy, and when I'm anxious, he's even worse. Which has been a lot lately. And the rain and thunder has NOT helped his case one bit. Ugh.

2. My battle with the vacuum cleaner
It attacked me in the middle of the night a few nights ago. Well...actually, I left it in the middle of the floor in our bedroom so I would remember to actually USE it the next day. Anyway, I got up at 3 a.m. to use the bathroom, fumbled around in the dark and ran smack dab into it. WHAP! Ouch...

3. Testing, testing, 1...2...
Over the past few months, I've been working with Lifelong Adult Education Services to figure some "life" things out. I've been taking a series of psychological and academic assessments so I can have official, documented information about me, my brain, my past, my present, and...you guessed it...it is, indeed, LIFELONG...my future. Yesterday, Mark and I went to my results meeting. More on this later. Haven't received the official report yet, but from the therapist discussed with us in the meeting, some form of "anxiety disorder" label is likely to appear in the findings. Again, will elaborate when I'm good and ready. Right now I'm not exactly "good" OR "ready." So stay tuned.

4. Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty
Some of you may already know about the cat attack that ensued a few years back. If you read through the old posts, you might think that to this day, I despise cats, or at least fear them. I'm happy to report that cats now hold a special place in my heart, thanks to Pie Pie and Cho Cho -- the two wonderful kitties that live with the girl who I nanny for. I think it helps that for whatever reason, they love being around me, and love to snuggle with me. Either way, I no longer think that ALL cats convene in an underground lair to plot the earth's demise.

5. Denver marathon relay coming up in about a month -- not ready at all!

6. Anxiously (shocker) waiting to hear about next steps in the interview process for a school that I have been pursuing.

7. Applied to be a mentor for a high school student.
Very excited about my mentor interview next week! Check out Byrne Urban Scholars for info on the organization -- it's wonderful!

8. Excited about my upcoming Chicago trip over Mother's Day weekend!
Can't wait to attend Logan's Bar Mitzvah, and spend time with Pamela, Will, Logan and Eli.

Oh, and Michelle, Gretchen, Katy and Marilyn, too! Not happy that my own mother will be out of town that weekend though... :-(

9. I miss my family :-(

10. Feeling awful that I have yet to "officially" thank Jess for taking Jill and I out to dinner and for drinks a while ago.
Have had plans to do it, but they haven't come to fruition yet. Blech.

11. SCHOOL. Finishing. Working. Updating. Committing. Moving forward.
This one is last, because it's the MOST important, most complicated, and produces the most anxiety for me.

My hands shook as I typed #11...and now I think I will go puke.

On that note, have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for reading!
-DTL

Picture This: A Big Corporate Office Building

2010-04-20T23:38:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about brains.

Which is ironic, you see, because I have to use my brain to think about said brains. About how we use them, and how different each one is, and how different each one works. Like Temple Grandin's.

I'm currently reading her book, titled Animals in Translation. The simple description on the book cover, "Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior," quickly caught my eye as I was searching through discounted paperbacks at the book store a few weeks ago.

I had learned about Temple in a graduate course that I took last semester called Success for All Children and Adolescents. Another book of Temple's, Thinking in Pictures, was one of the choices on a list for a book circle assignment. (I chose her book as my first choice, but the professor placed me in a different group. Yep, I'm still bitter!) I have since read Thinking in Pictures on my own and have seen the recent HBO movie, Temple Grandin, starring Claire Danes (such a FABULOUS performance! So spot on. Bravo, Claire). I could go on, but I think you "get the picture" that Temple is a pretty important person nowadays, and lately I've taken an active role in learning all that I can from her.

And if you ever have some free time and you're interested, watch her here (it's kind of long, but worth it!):

Specifically, I've become fascinated with learning more about the autism spectrum, because if you aren't yet aware, Temple has a high-functioning form of autism. I'm interested in the way that Temple's brain works because she is a highly visual thinker. The more I learn about the way she thinks, the more connections I start to make about how my own brain works and the way that I think.

I've learned that just like other brain disorders, the characteristics and symptoms of autism vary for each individual. Take ADHD, for instance. My traits are different than those of some other people's who are also blessed with ADHD (See what I did there? To an extent, yes, I do believe I'm blessed with it. Umm...a considerably small extent, but blessed, nonetheless.). What intrigues me about both autism and ADHD are the similarities between some of the possible traits. For example, these pretty much describe me in a nutshell: the ability to hyperfocus, sensory sensitivity, can be easily overstimulated, tendency toward both learning disabilities and giftedness (I know, sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, which is hard to admit. I'm obviously not gifted in math, but I think that in certain creative areas, I can hold my own, ok?) and a vulnerability to depression.

What sparks my curiosity the most about Temple is how much of a visual thinker she is. I always knew that my learning style was more on the visual side, but I didn't really realize the extent until I started grad school. Now, I certainly don't think in pictures as often or as vivid as Temple, but I can definitely relate to the way she describes some of her thought processes. This one is my absolute favorite (from Animals in Translation, pp. 89-90):

"Of course, no one knows why an autistic grown-up has trouble making connections, since our frontal lobes are normal-sized. All we know right now is that researchers find "decreased connectivity among cortical regions and between the cortex and subcortex.

The way I visualize it is that a normal brain is like a big corporate office building with telephones, faxes, e-mail, messengers, people walking around and talking -- a big corporation has zillions of ways for messages to get from one place to another. The autistic brain is like the same big corporate office building where the only way for anyone to talk to anyone else is by fax. There's no telephone, no e-mail, no messengers, and no people walking around talking to each other. Just faxes. So a lot less stuff is getting through as a consequence, and everything starts to break down. Some messages get through okay; other messages get distorted when the fax misprints or the paper jams; other messages don't get through at all.

The point is that even though autistic people have a normal-sized neocortex including normal-sized frontal lobes, our brains function as if our frontal lobes were much smaller or not fully developed."

I searched Google Images for a brain / office building drawing so I could insert it in this post, but couldn't find one. I found this instead, which I think is super cool, that depicts right and left brain function. I'd imagine Temple's office building might have been drawn in a similar fashion:

Anyway, what a fantastic way to describe it! Wow! I totally get what she's saying, and am thankful for the visual because now I have a point of reference when I'm trying to explain what happens to me sometimes when I'm having a difficult "brain day" as I like to call them (this should explain it).

Well, the frontal lobe that Temple refers to is a subdivision of the neocortex. And yes, I definitely had to look that up, because I slept through, or at least daydreamed through, most of my biology classes in high school and college (focus issues, remember?). The neocortex is responsible for specific cognitive processes like working memory, speech, language, sensory perception, generation of motor commands, spacial reasoning, conscious thought, etc. Basically the only reason why I'm referring to this part of the brain (because as I first stated, I've been thinking about brains a lot lately!) is because I playfully like to call it the "neato-cortex" (it does so many cool things, does it not?).

Now I will certainly have to do some more research to be sure of my facts, and so I can sound like I know what the heck I'm talking about, of course. BUT... I suspect that there may be some form of connection issue in my own personal neato-cortex. Hmmm...it just might be to blame for the stupid anomia I experience from time to time... I'm on to you, neato-cortex! Not so neato anymore, huh?!

Finally, I referred to Temple as my first "official unofficial" spiritual guide in my last post. It's understandable to be confused about this, because with Temple's form of autism, social interactions and abstract thinking are both very difficult. However, she has inspired me to seek out how I function best, even if it is completely scientific, so I can be the best form of myself as possible. And there's definitely something spiritual about that for me, and that's what matters.

I was, however, searching for just a little bit more out of my "pretend" spiritual relationship with Temple -- more than just noticing a connection because we are both visual thinkers, and we both love animals. Well, I found it (to my surprise!) in what she says here:

"But my favorite of Einstein's words on religion is 'Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.' I like this because both science and religion are needed to answer life's great questions. Even scientists such as Richard Feynman, who rejected religion and poetry as sources of truth, concede grudgingly that there are questions that science cannot answer."

Well, I used to automatically see a picture of a synagogue when I heard the word "temple." Now, I admirably see Temple Grandin. Doctor of Animal Science. Professor at Colorado State University. Bestselling author. Consultant to the livestock industry in animal behavior. Autism advocate. A pioneer. Influential. Inspiring. Fabulous!

Little does she know how much I respect her...

Thank you, Temple. I think ALL of your cortexes are neato.

-DTL

I want to be very clear and state for the record (whatever record that may be), that I, in no way, know what it's like to have autism. I can't even imagine. On a much, much, much smaller scale though, Temple has provided me with a tiny glimpse of understanding by explaining one of her mental pictures (the office building) in a way that makes sense to me. Because of her, I can explain to others what it feels like when information often takes its sweet old time to process in my brain. Thanks for reading!

Faith Building – A Lesson in Not-So-Concrete Methods

2010-04-18T22:09:00.005-07:00

LOOSING MY RELIGION, FINDING FAITH

Spirituality, values, religious beliefs. Peace, trust, guidance. Goodness, god, God, gods.

Science?

I was raised Catholic. From kindergarten all the way through undergrad, I attended Catholic schools. After college, somewhere along life’s journey, I strayed from the Catholic Church. I found myself away longer than I had expected. Long enough to truly get lost – to the extent where global positioning meant diddely squat.

I found myself searching for guidance. Maybe a map. A tour guide, perhaps. A bus stop would have been nice. Something. I finally realized that it must be my job, and mine alone, to figure out a method for finding my way back. To find a home for my faith. Either back to the Catholic Church, or to a completely different building altogether.

METHOD FOLLOWING, MY WAY

Procedure, technique, in accordance with a definite plan. Typically an orderly, logical or systematic way of instruction, inquiry, investigation, experiment, presentation, etc. Arrangement. Sequence. Logical?

It has been quite some time since I’ve been to any form of “church” on a Sunday, let alone a Catholic mass. Today I took advantage of the opportunity to accompany my friend Jill and her son Cael to their Sunday church service. It is a Methodist church, and I enjoyed it. I felt welcome and had a pleasant and positive experience. However, I wonder: Does this method of finding the proper place for my faith and beliefs seem logical to me? Has my systematic Sunday experiment yielded a concrete answer? Have I found the right building? Am I back on the radar?

WITH GRANDIN AS MY GUIDE

Synagogue, basilica, cathedral. Duomo, or possibly, chapel.

Temple?

I have learned that my faith will be with me wherever I go, and I will have many different spiritual guides along my journey. Oddly enough, this afternoon after church with Jill, Temple Grandin (get it? Temple?) served as my first “officially unofficial” guide (more on Temple in my next post). She inspired me to keep the building doors opened just a crack, no matter where I find myself, in case I feel the need to wander once again and test future methods...on my quest for concrete faith.

In Jeopardy

2010-04-17T20:26:00.002-07:00

“I’ll take Bellyache’n for $200, Alex.”

Chrissy, the answer is: Bubbles, cramps, a bad feeling in the pit, bitters and soda, and peppermint tea.

“What are…things that can be found in my stomach?”

Correct! You won the Daily (Dilemma) Double!

I have been nauseous and sick to my stomach for most of the day today. I even took a three hour nap, but it didn’t help to soothe the nausea. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with a stomach bug, or if stress and worry are simply getting the best of me. Either way, this dilemma can’t be solved as easily as a game show question in a creatively crafted category. On television, there is only one concrete answer. My tummy woes, I’m very sure of it, are much more complicated.

I’m sitting at St. Mark’s Café on 17th, trying to finish some work that I’ve inevitably been putting off. I’m double- fisting an iced peppermint tea and tall glass of bitters and soda (kindly provided by the accommodating barista) to help me calm the storm. My work? I postponed it a tad bit longer in order to write this post. I see it as a double-dose of effort to soothe the sourness.

Even if the bitters do work tonight, and the tea helps distinguish the bubbling ache, I will still be stuck with the following debilitating dilemma to sort through and deal with:

How long can I continue to be a successful contestant, if I can’t complete the category and move on to the next round?

Will I be left with any winnings to wager for final jeopardy? I’m tempted to travel back in time to the set of Double Dare to see how it all plays out.

My mind, as you’ll find, has had a chance to unwind.
My stomach though, remains tied in knots.
My future, I’m afraid, is in jeopardy.
My potential and passion, however, are not.

-DTL

Get the picture?

2010-04-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

Have a few post-worthy ideas tumbling around in my head, but I must first finish a few things on my "OMG! SOOO CRUCIAL!" list. Gonna fill the next 7 days with minimal distractions and mucho coffee and then I'll get back to fumbling all over the blogosphere.

Til then,
-DTL

This little leaf needs to...

A Custom-Designed Disaster

2010-04-09T01:40:00.001-07:00

I know. I need to STOP changing the look of my blog. I get it. But I wanted to prove to myself that I could design my own header-thingy. Banner-whatev. The thing at the top with my blog title.

Anyway...

So, in true Chrissy fashion, and yes, with many much better things to do with my time, I taught myself how to use Paint (I'm a little behind...no judging!) and I slopped together what you now see above. I had too much fun with the eraser tool, and WAY too much fun searching for each individual letter.

And yes, that is my father with me when I was about two-years-old. Ugh.

If that isn't bad enough, this is what I had about 2 hours ago:

Yep. And since I'm so cross-eyed right now, I just might have to fix the latest version tomorrow. Wait, who am I kidding? It already is tomorrow.

What have I learned from this experience? Truly?

That I am not a designer. (but wish I was!)

Time to tumble into bed.
Ta ta,

-DTL

"What the French, Toast?"

2010-04-07T11:10:00.001-07:00

"FUDGE!!!!!"

Dirty mouth?

As a teacher and lover of kids, I need to be careful about the words that I choose to say aloud. I also love playing with words, and making up expressions. If you (like most people!) have ever had a dirty mouth, how did you (or would you) choose to "clean it up?" For example, instead of saying "Shut the f@$k up!" a friend of mine came up with, "Shut the front door!" Would love for you to share your gosh darn filthy-turned-clean creativity.

Here's a little motivation from one of my favorite all time commercials:
-DTL

Anomia Annoy-a-Me

2010-04-07T00:15:00.001-07:00

Anomia: A problem with word finding. Impaired recalling of words with no impairment of comprehension or the capacity to repeat the words. Also known as anomic aphysia.

Aphasia: One in a group of speech disorders in which there is a defect or loss of the power of expression by speech, writing, or signs, or a defect or loss of the power of comprehension of spoken or written language.

I have recently learned that anomia is common in adults with learning disabilities. It's a fancy word for "I know what I want to say, but my mind is blank." It goes beyond simply forgetting a word here or there. It actually happens to me so often that it literally makes my brain feel like it just ran a marathon (wouldn't THAT be interesting!) It induces paralyzing anxiety for me, and messes with my self-confidence. Sure, it annoys me, but it also makes me worried and fearful.

Anomia stinks. Worse than amonia...

Anomia keeps me up until 1 a.m. the night before my first teaching job interview. Anomia, you own me. But some day I will own YA.

-DTL

"To Rekindle, or not to rekindle?"

2010-04-06T10:51:00.003-07:00

Cliche or not, that is still the question.

"I blog, therefore, I am." Cliche? Definitely. True? Not exactly.

I "am" and therefore "have been" the following: preoccupied, lost, found, wandering, exploring, breaking, bending, twisting, turning, tumbling, fumbling. And breeeeaaaaatttthhhhing. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I realized that I choose to blog when I really NEED to. And I haven't felt the need to for almost 2 years now. I certainly WANT to all the time. Desperately and hopelessly. But wanting and needing are two entirely different...well, as quickly as I catch my breath, I bet you catch my drift.

I have decided to officially rekindle my relationship with the blogging world. For now. Not sure for how long. But I want to. Because I can. And frankly, I NEED to.

Why? Keep reading. Check back often to find out. Not because you need to. But hopefully, because you want to.

Reunited, and it feels fairly awkward...
On my path back to "so good,"

-DTL

When I was 29... ("it was a very good year...")

2008-07-17T21:23:00.002-07:00

Hello all! I'm back.

("All?" Out of the handful of readers that I may have once had, I'm pretty sure I might have lost most or all of them. Bummer...)

Well, just a quick post with an update: (I promise to elaborate in the near future)

1. Well, for about 6 months, I fought a bit of depression and I had no idea what was happening to me. I had never felt so low... So, with much support from my fiance (now HUSBAND!), friends and family, I got some much needed help and now I'm in a much better place! I'm proud to say I'm so much stronger for it. Anyway, hence the lack of blogging...

2. AND, a little over 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and with much research I learned that my depression was caused by the ADHD which was unattended to for nearly 30 years. I've been reflecting back on my past and I know for a fact that I had it as a child. I have been reading and researching and changing behaviors and researching some more so I can learn how to function better and live a better, more productive, happy life! It has been such a breakthrough for me... My whole life I've known that something wasn't right...that I wasn't processing information and learning the way that most typical adults were. And now I finally have my answer! There's a book out there called, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?" and believe me...the title SAYS IT ALL.

3. During my break from blogging, I applied to graduate school for education and got accepted! I begin classes at the University of Colorado at Denver on August 11th... I will quit my preschool teaching job and become a full-time student. Wow...changes ahead!

4. I GOT MARRIED!
I've been married for 5 whole days now. Mark and I got married on Saturday, July 12the at the Denver Botanic Gardens. Despite my "emotionally busy" first half of my 29-th year, I was able to have the BEST time of my life on our wedding day!

So...needless to say, I've got a LOT of elaborating to do. I'll post pictures too, because my hair grew back, I've lost weight, and I look different than in my current photos. Can't wait to get back into the swing of things!

Well, here's to a fabulous second half of age 29!

Cheers! Stay tuned...

DTL

NaBloPoMo'h Well!

2007-11-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Oh well!

I didn't participate in NaBloPoMo. I didn't quite know much about it until I noticed it on other blogs (well, Kelli mentioned it to me a few months ago, but I didn't really get the jist until mid-November!)

Next year, I would love to participate. At least I posted every day for the past few...

Anywho -- CONGRATS to everyone who participated! I truly enjoyed reading your daily posts.

Have a lovely weekend! And a productive beginning of December :-)

Twice today

2007-11-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

Twice today, I ended a phone conversation with a close friend with, "I love you!" (Well, for sake of a good post, I did say it to Jill, and I REALLY wanted to say that when I was hanging up with Michelle but I was in a hurry and I forgot!)

Anyway, my point is that I have two girlfriends with whom I can comfortably end a conversation with "I love you" and have it not feel awkward. That makes me feel great!

I've never really been one of those girls who can cuddle in bed with another girlfriend, or be super huggy, or throw "I love you's" around, etc. Expressing those signs of affection with girlfriends have always felt a bit unnatural to me.

Until recently. Perhaps it's maturity, perhaps it's finally a deep enough respect and connection, perhaps a lot of things that I guess just don't really matter in the scheme of things.

But seriously, Jill and Michelle, I LOVE YOU girls!
(see...not at all awkward. Progress!)

No leaf left unturned

2007-11-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

For most of us out there, we'll spend a good portion of our lives searching. For love, happiness, the next best thing...

I'm currently undergoing a proactive search for not only true happiness, but contentment. Peace. Perhaps a hint of a spark of joy, or two, or three...

My intention for this post, and others in the future, is not to dwell on my current melancholy state that I can't quite shake, or to blab on about a vague "search" without venturing on to a justified explanation.

But I am, certainly, trying to post more often, no matter how unmotivated or sad I may be at the time, and no matter how much I really just don't want to delve too far into details.

So here I am, skimming the surface but reaching out, nonetheless. Admitting that lately, for me, the colors just seem far less bright than they truly ought to be.

It shouldn't bother me...

2007-11-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

They're 4. I get that. They don't understand what they're saying, and it's my job to correct them.

But seriously...

Picture three of them singsongingly, "Miss Pissy, Miss Pissy, Miss Pissy, Miss Pissy!" first thing this morning.

And after nap time, I caught two others singing, "Miss Chrissy is stupid, Miss Chrissy is stupid!"

I almost cried! I know, I know I know... Obviously I was being a little emotional. I'm kind of, sort of, laughing it off right now. It just gets a little tough when the kids make fun of you, even if they are only 4 :-)

Brushing it off now...
Pissy and stupid,
DTL

"Fanksgibeen"

2007-11-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

As my 4-year-olds would say (and have been saying all day today...), tomorrow is "Fanksgibeen!"

And in the spirit of Fanksgibeen, I'll act in a completely cliche way and list many things that I'm "fankfuw" for. I know...completely unoriginal, but important, nonetheless. Here goes:

I'm fankfuw for:

1. Mark

2. Four days OFF! No kids (that aren't family...), no Ulta, no nuttin!

3. The snow that fell today. It made my dog Tucker so happy! He pranced in it at 6:00 this morning like you wouldn't believe...

4. My family's recent visit

5. My family's recent departure (ha ha!)

6. Not having to cook this year (although if I had the time, I would have love too...)

7. E-mail, Web sites and blogs. Without them, I'd be lost...

8. Dr. Lisa

9. My CL girls!

10. My mango salsa that everyone at worked loved!

11. My friend Misty -- can't wait to see her at her baby shower!

12. Michelle, Gretchen, Marilyn, Pamela -- my Chicago connection

13. Sunny Denver days

14. Spironolactone

15. Digital cameras

16. Co-teachers

17. Aunt Mary and Aunt Barb

18. Tuckie

19. The Food Network

20. Naps

21. Coffee

22. Live music

23. The biggest bar night of the year (tonight!)

24. Airplanes

25. Children

Ok, that's good for now. I'm thankful for my readers of this blog!
HAVE A HAPPY FANKSGIBEEN!!!!!!

Much love and joy to you,
DTL

Focus on My Fabulous Friend

2007-11-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

Well hello there!

As always, there's a lot going on in my life right now. Same stuff, different day... Just like my extra special friend, Jill, I've been taking a little break from blogging. I'll be back soon once I've cleared my mind, with fresh, exciting stories to tell.

In the meantime, I want to introduce you to Jill, in case you haven't met her or read any of her blogs. As you'll read here, now is the PERFECT time to get to know her.

She's such an influential part of my support system. I'm proud to know her!

I hope you enjoy her as much as I do...

Floating Right Along

2007-10-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while...

I've missed you! I've missed my blogging friends and I've really, really missed writing.

I've just been drifting through my days, taking in all that life has presented lately. I've been going through the motions, getting used to my new class of 4-year-olds, settling into my 2-job work schedule and drinking way, way, way too much caffeine.

I recently found out that I was accepted to Colorado University at Denver for graduate school and will begin work on my Master's in Early Childhood Education in mid-January. I'm excited, nervous, stressed out and eager to begin!

Mark and I also finally have our wedding date -- July 12, 2008 at The Denver Botanic Gardens. It's real now...it's official! We've yet to begin planning, but at least we have our location and date.

And Mark turned 30 on "Marktober" 14th, and I pulled off a surprise party for him at our house. He was truly surprised, and we all watched the Rockies win together in our living room. I think he really enjoyed himself.

Speaking of the Rockies, I had to walk awway from the game tonight against Boston. WOW. What an ass-kicking. I hope the Rox can turn it around! YIKES!

And you won't BEE-lieve... our house has been infested with yellow jackets or wasps for the past week and a half. They got into our walls somehow and built a nest. Every day we kill about 20 - 30 of them in our kitchen, dining room and living room. Frankly, I'm sick of them! Who knew I'd be such a good bee killer... At least they're not aggressive. They're pretty much in slow motion since it's been kind of chilly, but I've literally got the heebie geebies. YUCK!

On a more serious note, I'm in the process of trying to figure out who I am -- who I've become since I moved to Colorado. There's been so much progress and forward movement that I'm loosing sight of who I was and who I now should be. It's putting a strain on my relationship, and frankly, I'm very confused.

Shouldn't an engagement and upcoming wedding equate to a blissful time? Exactly how happy should I try to be when I'm working too much and falling behind in certain areas of my life? How do I accept my new role and move on with my life, without loosing sight of bubbly, creative, carefree Chicago Chrissy?

I'm in the process of searching for these answers, or at least trying to find the courage to come to terms with the new me. Mark and I have decided to make a conscious effort to understand each other better and be more connected, happy partners for each other.

But the road seems really long right now, and hopefully I can find the support that I need to get to know myself better and face some difficult issues that I've been surpressing. I'm scared and worried, but hopeful that I can move past the barriers that have been blocking me and discover a clear, peaceful beginning.

Until then, as always, I'll continue to drift along. I hope all is well with you!
Much love
DTL

Sink or Swim

2007-09-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

Lately, I haven't been doing a good job of skimming the surface. I've been feeling like I'm sinking a bit, actually.

SINK, SANK, SUNK.

I recently passed the one year mark of living in Colorado, and that's been a little hard for me. Perhaps the realization that Denver really is my home now and the pressures of the new identity that my new life presents are silently wearing on me. Among other things...

I'm still going through the emotions of leaving friends and family in Chicago, but now, since I've been here long enough, I'm now loosing friends in Colorado as well. One of my best friends in Denver, J. R., is moving back to Florida in one week. It's hitting me pretty hard. Not to mention my other good friend K. N. from my girls group who had to head back to Houston. And now my most favorite co-worker, M. S., is leaving work next week to have her baby and not return to work (lucky girl!). I know she'll still be around, but with my schedule lately, I know it will be tough to schedule visits with her. I have a tough time with change...can you tell?

There's a few other little things that have been wearing me down and causing me to sink, but I'll work them out and find my way to the surface soon. I always do. I flip my leaf over and hold on for the ride...

ON THE UP AND UP

Mark and I had the chance to see his parents for a day last weekend in Avon, near Vail. We went to Oktoberfest in Vail and I bought a silver necklace with a tiny little leaf pendant. I've been wearing it for motivation, and when my kids at school ask about it, I explain the whole "starting over" process and I think a few of them may even understand! As silly as it sounds, I rub it between my fingers when I need a little help...

Well I finished my grad school application and sent it off! $40 at Fed Ex later... Ugh. The written statement was a challenge, but I feel like I did a fairly good job selling myself. We shall see... At least it's finished!

I want you to know that if you're a blogging friend of mine, I have been reading your blogs. I just haven't had a chance to comment, but I'll try to soon. Lisa, Kelli, Jill, Jenn, Melanie, etc.

I'll be back soon. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading when you get the chance!
Much love,
DTL

Penny For Your Thoughts?

2007-08-29T21:27:00.001-07:00

If I ever encounter extra pennies to share, I'll send them your way.

In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions on how to attract more blog readers? I try to post comments on other people's blogs, and also link to their blog from mine. I also read the little write-up on Blogger about the settings that I need to turn on, and I think I did it all.

Anyway, I'm only averaging about 12 readers per day. Am I just being too impatient, considering I just started blogging in April? Should I be writing about more interesting topics? (he he...what could be more interesting than ME?) :-)

Any tips would be helpful...

And THANKS so much for reading!

DTL

I want it back!

2007-08-27T19:34:00.001-07:00

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short...

P.S.
I'm aware that patience is a virtue, but I want my long hair back NOW. The kicker -- I'm almost ready to stick my finger in a socket because my curls are gone now too. How the heck did that happen? They were natural...where the heck did they GO?

Ugh. (By the way, my friends have always said I have "anorrexia of the hair." Never happy with it, even when there's nothing wrong with it.) Regardless, I need six inches ASAP.

:-)

Skimming the Surface Beats Sinking Any Day

2007-08-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

Lately I'm realizing that even if I don't have the time to make something perfect, it's still worth a shot to do the best that I can, even if it's a bit rushed. At this point, doing just a little bit of what I want or need to do is better than not doing it at all.

First example -- working out. Since I had to quit marathon training a few months ago, I haven't really done anything in the way of exercise. Nada. It depresses me knowing that I won't get back to the fitness level that reached in June. But as a result, I'm not toned anymore. I'm "soft." And I don't like it. I think I will set a goal to run about 20 minutes once a week. That doesn't seem so bad. And hey, it's better than nothing, right? Skimming, not sinking.

Example number two -- Blogging. I'm averaging about 5 creative ideas for blogs per day. But it's hard to pick one, dive right in and flesh it out each day because I want the blog to showcase my creative abilities and I want the post to be really good. But I'm learning to get over the notion that every post of mine will be ground-breaking (an over-exaggeration) and I'll just get out what I can. This blog is a perfect example of a not-so-perfect post (have you noticed the lack of well-thought-out points and poor grammar? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about...

Final example -- cooking. Lately I've been working really hard at coming up with creative meals. Like instead of butter on my corn on the cob, I've felt the need to do things like mix the butter with a little lemon juice and seasoned salt for a little somthing extra. But darn it, cooking is time-consuming, and it's not the end of the world if I reach for an old-standby. Tonight, I let it go, and I just plain buttered my corn.

So, here's another attempt at skimming the surface, instead of just sinking (sinking, in this case, would be not writing about these 2 events at all). Granted, I'd love to blast my blog readers (all three of you) right out of the water with poetic descriptions. Instead, I need to get to bed, so I'll make it easy:

1. My friend Pamela in Chicago is going through a tough time. Someday I will dedicate a blog to her so you can get to know how great she is. Anyway, her family is going through a tragic event and I'll be thinking about her. She's very special to me, so even though you don't know her, please keep her in your thoughts!

2. My Happy Friend Jess turned 33 last week! Seriously, she looks 23... Anyway, when I get a chance I'll write a nice blog about the CL girls (my Denver girlfriends!), and how we had such an incredibly fun girls night this past Friday for Jess's birthday! I'll even post pictures. Seriously, so much fun!

So there. Two quick little ditties about events / people in my life that I wanted to flesh out, but just don't have the drive at this late hour. Skimming the surface = more productive in the long run. I hope!

Good night, all. Thanks for being my "floaties." With you around my arms, I'll never sink!

Patience is a Virtue

2007-08-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

"Why does Mrs. H. keep saying that?"

"I don't know, but it's kinda weird!"

"Yeah! Patience is a what? WHO CARES!"

Mrs. H., my seventh grade teacher, used to say, "Patience is a virtue" at least once a day. Now, honestly, she was an odd bird, to say the least, and when she stuffed her bra with tissues, she was always lopsided! Always! That surely didn't help her case any.

Well, to this day, I find myself repeating that same phrase inside my head at times when I'm completely frustrated. And I'm finally starting to understand the value of that phrase.

I'd like to think that I'm a farily patient person (I pride myself on it, actually) but lately, my patience has been tested on many accounts and I have to constantly remind myself to not get so worked up about things. I realize that we're living in the age of instant gratification, but I need to take a step back and learn that not everything is going to fall into place the minute that I want it to. Perhaps it's because I've been so tired lately with the extra hours that I'm putting in, and when I'm exhausted, my patience tends to jump right out the window!

Instances lately when I'm feeling extra-impatient:

1. Getting to know people

Normally, I love the "getting-to-know-you" process. It's new, exciting, mysterious, etc. But in this instance, specifically, I'm talking about my co-workers at my part-time job. Now, it's not that I want to be best buds with them, but I do want them to realize that just because I'm learning the ropes and asking questions, I'm not a complete moron. I'm older than most of them, have more experience than a lot of them in other areas, but sometimes, I forget to give away the free gift with the fragrance purchase. Seriously. Shoot me now. It will come with time, I know, but I wish I could fast forward a few months and just be done with it.

2. Starting the new school year

At my school, we're open year-round. We have open enrollment which is a very appealing quality to a busy parent with a tight schedule. So, some of the kids in my class have moved on to kindergarten. Some of the kids are still in my room this week and will move to a different school next week. Some of my kids will move on this Wednesday. And still, some others have been gone since May. Basically, there's not one "last day of school" with closure for all of the kids and teachers. Nope. I've grown attached to these kids (my first class!), and for the past few weeks and the next few weeks, emotional limbo it was and is. I really want to just meet my new kids and have a "first day of school" with my new class. So, needless to say, I've been frustrated and impatient and emotional and not very happy about the state of my classroom. Ugh, what's that virtue again? What do I need to remember?

3. Traffic

Ok, so although I live in Denver, I'm still a Chicago driver. Denver drivers are the worst (too slow! below the speed limit!) and way too overly careful. And I need to accept that the drivers here aren't going to miraculously speed up or actually pull into the intersection before making a left turn (now that would be a total miracle!) But lately, I've been swearing, yelling, (not honking though, thank goodness) and gripping the wheel in angst at the slow-ass drivers who don't speed up to make it through a yellow light to give me a chance to get through an intersection to avoid making me a few more minutes late to work. Is it that much to ask people?

Ahhhhhhh...anyway, a virture. Patience truly is a virtue. And not only is patience a virtue, but time is also very precious. And currently my lack of it is completely compromising my coveted, virtuous patience! Boy, Mrs. H, you were a smart lady.

I only hope that during all of the years that have passed since my seventh grade class, you've been smart enough to have patience with yourself and your tissues until both sides are equal and balanced! Because balance is really what it's all about, right?

Unsticking

2007-08-16T16:15:00.001-07:00

A few days this week have been pretty emotionally hard for me (see this post.) I kept it vague because nowadays I have no idea who is reading my blog, or who will in the future. But anyway, for years now I have most definitely felt "stuck" in regard to said vague situation. Perhaps someday I will elaborate.

Well, as new blogging friend Lisa very intelligently brought to my attention, I think I am beginning to unstick myself, simply by talking about being stuck. I don't think I'll ever be completely stick-free, but I'm working at it.

Mark has helped me come to terms with the sticky situation, and we had a fabulous chat a few nights ago and more and more I realize why I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with him! He's my one and only lifelong adhesive remover.

Anyway, I'm moving on for now, fully aware that being stuck is perfectly ok, and I'm not proving anything to anyone, even myself, by beating myself up over trying to unstick. And by realizing that, as Lisa mentioned, I just might be unsticking without even knowing it.

This Nanny's Diary

2007-08-15T13:58:00.001-07:00

As if two weren’t enough…

I’ve signed on for yet another job. Number three. Seriously. Although my experience as a nanny for 4-year-old twins this past winter was a complete and utter disaster, I decided to give it another try. You know, I’ll watch these kids during my spare time. All of that fabulous free time that I have when I take naps, read books, exercise and spend time with my fiancé and dog. You know, that imaginary peaceful and relaxing time that I’m willing to sacrifice for the sake of a few more bucks per week.

Today I was approached with the opportunity to be a once-a-week nanny for two sisters (three and five years old) who attend the preschool where I work. Just one day, most probably Monday, every week. It’ll be after school, in the evening, and hopefully not past 8:00 p.m.

Hopefully I’ll have nothing but positive experiences to write about in regard to my second go-ahead as a nanny. Stay tuned, and wish me luck!

Letting go...

2007-08-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

Does everyone have it? That one thing that they simply can not forget? That one situation in their life that makes them feel stuck? Does it anger you as much as it angers me? To work so hard at moving on from something and feel like no personal progress has been made? Is it just me?

It makes me feel like such a failure...that I simply can not move forward. I question if I ever will. Can I simply wave the white flag and accept that I will always be stuck?

I have learned to treat people differently because of it. I have learned to swallow my pride. I have learned to demand respect and to act in a way where I, in turn, respect others. These are good things... Great lessons to take away. But that one thing...that one situation still makes me feel so awful and I'm so sick of it!

Do you have one of those?

Fun Food Four Word-er

2007-08-13T20:27:00.002-07:00

To set it straight. Not four letter words. But four word sentences. In this entire post. No foul language here. Only my random thoughts. In only four words.

Have new exciting friends. Work at Food Network. Emeril Lagasse, Rachael Ray. Sandra Lee, Giada DeLaurentiis. Learning many foodie tips. Cooking meals from scratch. Creativity has been soaring. Excitement in my kitchen! My meat needs work. All types of meat. I can do sauces. I can do dressings. I can do soups. Love to mix things. Without scientific know how! Out of the box. Is the best way. For me to cook. Ha ha, not literally. Creatively speaking, I mean. Not packaged boxed foods. Except for Sandra Lee! You'll see I'm right. Watch Semi-Homemade some day!

Risotto tonight was excellent. Just ask my Mark! What to make Jill? When she comes Thursday. For dinner with us! Have too much dressing. Made from Helen's cucumbers. Gazpacho didn't work well. Turned into salad dressing. Also made cucumber salsa. Veggies from Rubin's garden! Thanks Rubin and Helen. For being so neighborly! Please no more cucumbers. Though yours were great. I'm just cucumbered out! Grow any more zucchini?

No more marathon training. Cooking all the time. Not a pleasant combo. For my waist line!

Ugh, sheesh, oi vey!